Ready To Stop Losing - Book Review

Howdy Folks n’ Kin! 

This here is Judd Jugmonger! But this ain't the old cash-strapped Judd Jugmonger, this here is the new Judd Junger on account I is now a Wall Street investor! That's right! I’m into the BIG money now, just like all them fancy banksters over yonder on Wall Street what are livin' high on the hog! Now, I don’t want to sell all y’all short—that thar’s a Wall Street pun, you know?—but the gravy train ain’t done rolled out just yet. Soon enough but, it’s a gonna pull outta the I-ain’t-gotta-pot-to-piss-in station and ride them rails all the way to the market, just like that thar little piggy done! 

So why all the hoopla? On account I got me a hold of this book, Ready To Stop Losing, what was written by my good pal Jay Leonard Schwartz and published by them other good folks over at Dada Bloq. Them is the folks what’s done me right from time to time with them books what I am in. 

If’n y’all wanna know how to hold your horsies and not let yer FOMO—that thar is the fear of missin’ out—git the best you, y’all need git yer hands on this book, and read it, and I mean like NOW, on account the market don’t want fer no one! We got us some bull markets over here, and some bear markets over thar, and y’all need to be a learnin’ which way is up! So that thar book is good readin’! 

And now because of it, I done gave a little cash to my cousin, Nasty Jimmy, to open what’s called a brokerage account to buy me some stocks! I don’t know why they got the words “broke” in their name on account everyone in creation be given’ them banksters them’s cash fer orders and such.

Anyway, I told Nasty Jimmy to plunk down some coin on some “fractionals.” Now, never you mind what it sounds like math—I don’t like that stuff none neither, but Nasty Jimmy says a little bit of bread goes a long ways! 

I also learned ‘bout what’s called “dividends!” Know what them is? They is free money! That’s how them big business types says “thank you” fer all y’all’s support. They’s just givin’ it away, a little bit here and a little bit thar. And soon enough, y’all will be sittin’ in high cotton with yours truly! That thar is the magic of what’s called compostin’!

So now, I got me what’s called a portafolio! In it, I got me my picks what I prognosticated to pay off big time! Here’s what good American companies I done went all in on:

HRL - Hormel, what’s food smells like America! In fact, Hormel is what them analysts call a Dividend Aristocrat and a Dividend King. Hoo ha! I’s hobnobbiin’ not just with them upper-class types but also with royalty! You know how they is! CPB - Campbell's Soup company, on account I says to kick them soup cans down the road all the way to the bank! PEP - Pepsi, on account I’m a Pepsi man! That thar Warren Buffet might like his Coke, but I says every man fer himself. Pepsi is also a Dividend Aristocrat! Now, I think of that every time I be swallerin’ it down!

And don’t ferget some of them train stocks on account of they is what makes America run! Also, I read in the book what it’s a good idea to be diversifried—that means we gotsta spread that dough ‘round like that thar stinky whatnot what makes the flowers grow. Know what I mean? I think ya do. 💩

So I also bought me some: CSX - On account them’s freight trains run on them old FEC tracks—that thar is the Florida East Coast railway what Henry Flagler built. When I get me the big bucks, I might just hop one of their trains to visit my sweety deety Jolene over thar in Gulf Breeze on the panhandle! MAS - Masco, on account they make toilets right here in the USA. That’s right! Well all gotta go now n’ then, so them’s business—that thar is another pun!—gotsta to be good! You know how it is. I read in the book, “own what y’all know” so I reckon when I got me the runs, I knows a lot a lot ‘bout takin’ a dump. Know what I mean? I think you do. XOM - Exxon Mobile! Folks, I is an environmentalist, but we need us some oil! Them CSX trains, pickup trucks and bass boats ain’t runnin’ on Campbell’s soup!” Also, them bathrooms at them Exxon gas stations is much fresher than them horror shows over at them Texaco stations! WM - Waste Management! This here is a no-brainer! The founder of that thar waste haulin’ business was Wayne Huzienga what used to own my Miami Dolphins—they’s the greatest football team and still perfect! 󠅓☝

Lastly, when them folks over at the Krispy Kreme donuts (DNUT) start handin’ out a dividend again—and finally bring back them key lime donuts—I might  consider them, too. That is assumin’ I got me some extra cash on hand, what’s called excretionary income.  

So now, I own me a part of all them companies! I suggest y’all do the same! After all, here in the USA, we is capitolists, even all them Julios and Jullietas in Hialeah!

Ever’body and their cousin or grandma is a tellin’ new investors how to make the BIG money. “Buy this! Sell that! Ride this here TESLA rocket ship clean to the moon!” they says. But, mighty few of them tell all y’all how to quit losin’ all y’all’s money. And then, y’all feel like ya havta ride the short bus on account stupid is as stupid does. Well folks, that’s where this here book, Ready to Stop Losing, comes in.

So here’s a little bit more ‘bout this here book what I highly recommend and what is already a best seller at the Word Salad Books and Readin’ Room, next to the Katywonker Cafe’ in Wepesiwa Beach, Florida! 

This here book looks at Wall Street through the eyes of an ordinary feller, just like me, what’s startin’ out to learnin’ the game the hard way! That means makin’ dumb mistakes, missin’ chances and buyin’ at exactly the wrong time and feelin’ like all y’all gots caught with yer britches down! Then comes the most uncomfortable lesson of all: knowin’ what ya oughtsta do but not doin’ it, and what leaves ya feeling like a one legged man in a butt-kickin’ contest. 😳

The book's also got lotsa them personal experiences, market historicals, head doctorin’, and more Wall Street wisdom than y'all can shake a stick at. Ready to Stop Losing sorts through all that familiar investin’ advices to see what’s right about it, what them fancy experts fergot to mention—ya know them types what’re sittin’ 'round and sippin' some high-priced hooch on Wall Street, or maybe even Brickell here in Miami. Fer example, why one size never fits all—especially if’n ya bought it off the clearance rack. Most important, it’s about survivin’ Wall Street long enough to quit bein’ the same investor what lost all that money in the first place!

Now see, I got all that just from the cover of this here book! If’n y’all read the whole thing, well, just imagine how deep all y’all’s pockets are gonna be! 

So, If’n y’all want to git in on this action, y’all need to read this here book! And go n’ tell all y’all’s friends that Judd Jugmonger says to do the same!

All the best—and some of the rest, - Judd 🪠

The Miami Freegan Festival

Howdy, Folks n’ Kin!

This here is Judd Jugmonger with an idear what is new! Now I ain’t askin’ fer no noble peace prize or nothin’, but I got me a proposal fer somethin’ what ain’t been done before. That’s right! So here it is … a Freegan Festival right here in Miami! In fact, I think Brickell, what we also call the Financial District, is the right place fer that. 

Right here in Brickell, I see folks livin’ high on the hog; they surely is sittin’ in some high cotton, that’s fer sure. But you know how it is, some of them here in the 305 is fakin’ it till they be makin’ it! So, I also see lotsa folks what cain’t afford a decent meal! They ain’t even got a pot to piss in, nor two nickels to rub together, even though they be sportin' some Gucci and Versace, and what have you. That’s why I think it’s a good idear fer a Freegan Festival right here in Miami, DadeCounty—to bring folks together, to share what we all done dumped, and to talk about a better, more sustainable way to live in this here city with blue skies on lots of them days. 

Now, everyone knows here in Brickell, we got them little doggy poop stations on every corner, but I ain’t seen too many garbage cans none. That thar’s a real problem! Where does all that uneaten food go to from all them high-falutin’ fancy restaurants where all the skinny folks go and pick at their salad?

We should have  dumpsters on every block, because of all the tossed out food, and a lot of it’s still good! In fact, right behind the Publix, they’re throwing out plenty, but instead of just guardin’ it, those scraps could be shared with the public!

Also, we need this Freegan Festival right here in Brickell, because the truth is, the quality of what gets thrown out here is often much better than some other parts of town. In a neighborhood full of wealth, there’s lots of wasted food—things still good, just waitin’ to be shared. By startin’ here, we set a higher standard—because if it can happen here, it can happen anywhere—just like in New York, except fer them Jets! Know what I mean? I think ya do.

Here in Brickell, the cost of livin’ is sky-high—people be payin' over $3,500 just fer a small apartment, and lotsa folk are barely holding on. Speakin’ of holdin’ on … with a freegan festival we might also cut down on them poor balcony jumpers what our county commiserators don’t want them news stations to talk ‘bout none. You know how it is in these tourist parts.

But, gettin’ back to the costt of livin’, I’ve heard some folks, especially social workers and service workers, payin’ a thousand dollars a month just fer a dirty mattress on the floor in some backroom office—no bathroom, just bare bones. That’s why, if we bring a Freegan Festival here, we can show just how outta balance this is—so many scraps going to waste, while real folks just try to get by—right here in the Magic City. 

The beauty of this idear is it don’t have to be all organized in one spot. We don’t need no centralization; we ain’t no communists none! And, we don’t have to pay fer no rows of porta-potty outhouses, on account of in Brickell they’s gots lots doggy poop stations and them little baggies. It ain’t fer some, but beggars can’t be choosers. You know how it is.

So again, we don’t need no big park nor a central meetin’ place. We just say, "this here is the area—right where them garbage cans and dumpsters is." And, we ask those high-end eateries to give us what they’d normally throw out. We just put some dumpsters out on the corner, and people can come by and take what they need—no big fuss, just folks helpin’ folks. That thar’s the American spirit! Freedom comes from the word Free and, well, “Freegan!” There ya go!

We all need a seat at the table, even if the Freegan Festival ain’t gonna have none. No matter where we come from, Miami is a multicultural city, and right here in Brickell, it’s the same. Yes, we got us different income levels, different education. Sure, we got us our fashionistas and them social-influenzers, folks from up north—them snowbirds—heck, even some Frenchy Canadians. And all of them Latinos—Julios, Juliets, and everyone. No matter their background, they belong in the same corner—at the dumpster—to come together.

It don’t make no difference none what language y’all speak, because here in Miami, we gots a lot of languages—heck, even in Florida, we got us three official languages. I know Donald Trump don’t like that none, but that’s how it is. It don’t make no difference what language y’all speak—if you got a mouth, a stomach, and an appetite, y’all are in like Flynn at the Freegan Festival!

And all this, this sharing, this comin' together—it ain't just about hunger; it’s 'bout us buildin' a better future. When we waste less food, we cut down on trash, we lower our carbon footprint, and we fight back against that thar climate crisis. So this Freegan Festival is ‘bout more than food and feedin’ your snouts—it’s about livin’ smarter, stayin’ connected, and makin’ sure we all have a place in this city, under the same blue sky. That’s American as apple pie—and just maybe y’all can find some slices of aplpe pie in one of them dumpsters compliments of all the 7-elevens and all them Cuban bakeries—some ham croquettes, too! Just imagine them culinarian and epicurious possibilities!  

Now let me tell y’all another thing what makes this Freegan Festival such a fine idear. See, them supermarkets ‘round Miami done jacked up their prices so high a turkey buzzard would git a nosebleed flyin’ over them. Folks walk in them supermarkets hopin’ to buy groceries and walk out holdin’ their empty wallets like they’s goin’ to an undertaker’s ball. But here’s the funny part! Them same stores what refuse to lower prices got themselves dumpsters full of perfectly good food what didn’t sell before them expiration stickers done scared everybody off. So instead of lettin’ all that bread, fruit, croquettes, and fancy yogurt cups rot behind a locked gate, why not roll them dumpsters right out onto the sidewalk where good folks can make proper use of them? If them stores insist on price gougin’ till them shelves look like a shuttered mall, then the least they can do is let them leftovers rejoin the public what paid for the whole system in the first place! After all, if the prices ain’t comin’ down, them dumpsters might as well come out! Know what I mean? I think ya do!

Now so far, this here is just an idear, but I went on over to my friends at the Dada Bloq, and told them ‘bout it some. They said it was good! They even put together some primal pictures what we can use to git the ball rollin’. I used them in this here post to give all y’all the spirit of the thing. So, they’s a gonna help to organize this and all y’all out thar what wanna lend a hand, or git yourselves a helpin’ hand can stay tuned and follow along as we put this together. And don't ferget, thar's gonna be lotsa branding and marketin' and social-influezerin' opportunities fer all y'all bigwigs to jump in on with this here gastronomical cultural event. Together we can—on account that’s how feasts and free-fer-alls are made. Know what I mean? I think ya do. 

All the best,

Judd 🪠