Cellphones: Dialing For Misinformation and Cauliflower Ear

Howdy Folks and Kin,

Along time ago in a place far, far away, we used to communicate with Dixie Cups connected with some string through a hole in their bottoms. Yes, them was simple times, but that thar method was safe, and even environmentally friendly cause on account of we could recycle them. That's right, we'd pop the bottom of them cups in our mouths, pour some beer in from the top and we'd have ourselves a bona-fide chug-a-lug contest. When we was through, we'd take them cups, throw in some soil and orange seeds, set them in the porch and wait for a tree to sprout. Today we got us cell phones what can pop corn and give us cauliflower ear. Y'all know what cauliflower ear is, dontcha? That's when your ears got so many wrinkles they can hold a seven day rain.

Now folks, fer the life of me, I can't understand why we as a people like to bite off more than we can chew when it comes to technology? It seems that most of the really good technology can kill us, at our convenience, if we ain't too careful. But see, most folks don't give a heck cause they all is in too much of a hurry to wait for a pot of water to boil what to make their Cream of Wheat in.

I reckon it ain't enough to just say hello across a bit of string, or even miles of wire anymore. We all got to "broadcast" ourselves now. I guess some folks like the idea that they can stand in one room, talk into their cell phone, and imagine that their voice goes up to the heavens, bounces around between a few satellites and finally comes back down to Earth in the next room. Ain't it a wonder that billions of dollars of government grants were spent on research and development of all that technology in, just so that Grandpa Jugmonger can broadcast to Grandma Jugmonger "where is my britches at, Junebug"? I reckon he thinks he's the next Arthur Godfrey or American Idol or somethin'. I don't know.

Now, accordin' to my learnin' I believe it was in 1895 that X-Rays were discovered by Wilhelm Röntgen over thar in Germany. Of course, he died of a carcinoma, but he is considered the father of what's called diagnostic radiology. In any hospital, you can find that thar department next to the department of Nuclear Medicine. And you can bet your mama's cornflower that they ain't usin' no Dixie Cups to communicate together with!

Are y'all beginnin' to git the picture? X-rays, microwaves, radio and television waves, and nuclear shock waves, oh my! I do declare! Heck we even got so much electrical appliances runnin' that we got what's called electrical fields all around. What all this means folks, is that every moment of every day, where ever it that we is ... we is slowly bein' cooked like a Thanksgivin' Turkey. It's no wonder them health experts, like Dr. Oz, keeps a tellin' us to eat more fiber! I reckon the more constituted we are, the slower we'll cook. And all them folks what got the runs so much, like cousin John, well, they're in a heap a trouble!

Meanwhile, the news this week brings us the results from some research from way across that thar big pond that ... well at least in the words of CNN, that there is "no evidence of increased risk of brain tumors associated with mobile phones, except in people who have the most exposure". I reckon that thar means that if you don't use a cell phone you might not get a brain tumor. Of course, that not what them researchers said exactly, because their salaries is bein' paid by the cell phone industry itself. So them researchers basically speak in a foreign tongue what only some legal folks with $600 suits can understand and that the rest of us can misunderstand.

Isn't that something? Ain't we heard this all before with them Tobacco folks some time ago? "Go ahead and smoke up Johnny, cause Mr."Chesterfield" and his "Camels" says that them Lucky Strikes is ok. They know cause they done themselves the research, paid for by that thar Marlboro Man, what proved with out a scientific doubt that "Smokin' Don't Cause No Cancers"... or even cauliflower ear.

Now yesterday, I backed into a doctor feller I know, Dr. Benjamin Dover (registered proctologist) is his name, and asked him his opinion on them cell phones. He said: "Judd, I can't tell you if they is safe to use, but I can tell you that I ain't sure they is safe". Now, Dr. Dover ain't usually one can short of a six-pack, but I think that says it all right thar. Know what I mean? I think y'all do.

Now, I don't usually like to go off all half cocked without some good information. But, it seems the information we all are gettin' these days makes about as much sense as a legally blind NASCAR driver. But just maybe, that's just what them BIG BUSINESS types and Revenuers want: to keep us dumb as dirt and feelin' like we've been caught between a hound dog and a fire hydrant. And once we start to wise up, they know how to addict us with chemicals and misinformation to keep that thar money gravy train a comin'. That thar misinformation might not make no sense to us, but it surely makes dollars to them commercial and revenuer types.

So folks, I'm gonna leave y'all with some good advice, especially for all y'all what like to glue your cell phones to your cauliflower ears: Eat plenty of fiber and always consider the source of your misinformation.

All the best,
- Judd Jugmonger

PS. Whenever I take a call from my sweety deety Jolene, I always use my "hands-free"!


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Here's some interestin' books fer all y'all what don't want cauliflower ear!

Faulty No Fault Insurance Fail

Howdy Folks and Kin,

Insurance! Don'tcha hate it? How was it that we allowed them revenuers, our elected officials, to git away with writin' laws what say we gotta use that thar "product"? Just another example of how them revenuers is in cahoots with BIG BUSINESS. To me, that thar tomfoolery insurance is like gamblin' - but it's apparently government sanctioned gamblin' cause it allows them revenuers to git off scott free, to some extent, from intervenin' in worst case natural disasters, like hurricanes, floods ... and trees causin' auto accidents and what not. Let me tell y'all a little story:

I got me a youngin cousin named Jimbo what was injured in jalopy accident awhile back. Nope, he wasn't drivin' none. He was just ridin' shot gun when this big ole tree come up and whacked the side of the car what he was sittin' on. That thar tree almost took his arm clean off! Now I don't want to say too much about the "Bubba Unser, Jr." what was drivin' the thar jalopy as wild as headless chicken runnin' from the butcher's block, cause I reckon when he saw that thar tree comin' he decided to run into it just to run it down. What can I say, some folks are so dumb, they could throw themselves on the ground and still miss.

Anyways, Jimbo got his elbow busted up real bad, and so far has racked up somethin' like 40,000 dollars in medical bills... and he ain't done yet! Now at the time of the accident, Jimbo was a livin' with another cousin of ours, cousin John so that Jimbo could go to school where he wants and not be homeschooled out a state by him momma, cousin Judith, what's researchin' cloud patterns in them Carolinas. Y'all followin' me so far? I hope so.

Now when it came to time to settle them medical bills, ole' cousin John got thrown fer a fruit loop cause although he ain't Jimbo's parent, and had nothin' to do what that thar accident, he was told that HIS jalopy insurance was a gonna have to pay some of them medical bills! You know what that also means, don'tcha? Cousin John's insurance rates is a gonna go through his trailer's roof, come next year.

Now, if y'all got the good sense what the Lord gave y'all, you might be wonderin' "Judd? Why ain't the insurance of that thar " Bubba Unser, Jr.", what caused the accident, pickin' up the tab fer Jimbo's medical bills? What's this all got to do with cousin John? I tell y'all what, y'all are pretty smart folks fer thinkin' that way - not like them dumb as dirt folks what must a been snortin' some Elmer's Glue when they voted in that thar law providin' fer what's called "Florida No Fault Insurance" - and that's what this here article is all about, and what ole cousin Justin is all ornery over.

Them insurance folks surely are as slick as snot on a glass doorknob, and unfortunately them revenuers is as in love with them as I am with Buffalo Wings. These folks got their fingers diggin' fer gold in your back pockets and them revenuers say "that's fine". Now, it don't take a rocket scientist to know that this "product" forces the costs of everything what can be covered sky high, it's the same with Health Insurance, - so again more taxes are collected - and then them revenuers goes ahead and regulates the industry to keep them green backs just a rollin' in... and also most folks out of them courts. Know what I mean, I think you do. If any of y'all don't, here's where it's at:

You see, "No Fault Jalopy Insurance" came about cause somewhere along the county line, them revenuers and insurance folks got together and wrote some laws to help reduce legal and administrative fees what are associated with insurance claims. Now they told us good folks that would help reduce insurance premium costs on account of it would speed up them long legal delays what have to do with figurin' out what party pooper was at fault and financially responsible to pay up. They also told us it would stomp out all that thar hagglin' between insurance companies. So, they told us "No Fault Insurance" means that no matter what fool is responsible for an accident each party will be covered to his policy limit. Sounds a bit like communism to me. But anyways, come votin' day way back when, them voters what don't know squat about insurance law slurped it up like beer what got spilled on the breakfast table.

Gettin' the revenuers to write laws demanding that good folks be insured fer any properties or jalopies they own was a major boon for them slippery insurance folks - and the government a like! Of course, just like it always happens, as soon as that thar law was passed lotsa poor folks, especially in Florida, ended up with some of the highest insurance premiums in the nation!

"No Fault Insurance" is bad, plain & simple. Accordin' to some statistics I seen, them states what still have no fault insurance also got them the highest incidences of insurance fraud and abuse.... as well as fender benders and out right wipeouts! You see, it turns out that lots a reckless and negligent folks figure they and their youngins is covered so that they all can drive "Fast and Furious" without worryin' none about gettin' no legal punishment on account of that their insurance companies will settle out of court - meaning they can git back behind the wheel and pretend some more that they is in NASCAR or that thar video game "Grand Theft Auto", or somethin'. ("BUSTED!")

Here's somethin' scary to think about: Let's say you and some of your kin folk are all sharin' a double wide trailer due to this here economic regression, when one of y'all gits hit by a jalopy and almost ends up like road kill - through no fault of his or her own. Now, I'm sure you might be thinkin' "All right! I is rich! I git to sue the pants off a that thar son of a gun what run me over!". Well, think twice! Accordin' to the blasted "No Fault Insurance" law, besides that thar feller what done you wrong, each of your kin what is livin' together with you in that thar double wide are a gonna have to pay, through their insurance deductible, 10,000 dollars towards the injured's medical bills! That's right! In the case of cousin Jimbo, cousin John is a gonna have to pay up fer an accident what he had nothin' to do with fer a person what he ain't even insured - and just because yougin Jimbo is a minor and is just stayin' with him temporally.

Let's be honest folks, it's time we repeal that thar "No Fault Insurance" law and tell them infernal insurance folks to stick it where don't the sun don't shine. We also need to tell them revenuers to git out that thar conjugal bed with them BIG BUSINESS folks - and start servin' the interests of the good folks what voted them into office, in the first place!

If y'all want to know how you beat the jalopy insurance racket ... the only thing to do is not to drive and just stay home and pray that no " Bubba Unser, Jr." comes crashin' onto your porch where y'all are sittin' and sippin' your moonshine.

All the best,

Judd Jugmonger

PS. This post ain't about the health care debate, but it might as well be. Just swap out the word "jalopy" fer "health" and, well, there you go!
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I thought y'all what like to read might like these here books, but don't share them with your insurance agent!