FIFA World Cup: Soccer Primer For Proud Americans

Howdy Folks and Kin,

Today, I'm a gonna talk some football! Nope, I ain't talking about the NFL, God bless her, I'm talkin' about soccer. Now hold on, before y'all start stampedin' for that thar TMZ.com, just let me explain. You see, next month starts what's called the World Cup tournament fer that thar soccer association what's called FIFA. Now don't ask me why that thar sports organization got them a name what sounds like a poodle. That ain't the point. What is, is that from June 11th to July 11th, just a few days past my birthday, lots a folks from all over the world are gonna paint themselves up every which color and support their favorite country's team by hootin' and hollerin' and eventually, come the end of each game, switchin' t-shirts. That's right, y'all heard me right! All them fans, whether they is the winners or them losers, trade shirts. Now fer some of them, that works out fine. Fer others however, well, they gotta wear them some Frenchman's shirts what smells like a field worker's arm pit sprayed with strawberry flavored bathroom deodorizer.

All right, so what it is, is that they got 32 teams what start duelin' it out. And one of them teams is the U.S. (that means US)! Now accordin' to some statistics I seen, our boys are currently ranked 14th in the world! In the past, they also managed to git themselves into the last 5 World Cup tournaments, and of course, they is a gonna be in this year's tournament in South Africa. Only thing is that they done never won the World Cup before, not even once! The best they ever placed is 3rd in 1930! No wonder we started our own football league! So folks, them boys, what are playin' fer our national pride, need our support. And, bein' the proud American I am, I fer one aim to give it to them! So fer the next month or so, every now and then, I'm gonna keep tabs on our team fer y'all. Heck, I might even use my prognosticatin' powers and pick a few games fer y'all.

The Game of Soccer:

Now fer all y'all what don't know too much about soccer, well it's sorta like hockey 'cept it ain't played on ice. Them players don't use no sticks and they also all don't have to speak French neither, even if they is Canadian. In soccer, them players wear short pants, and since they ain't got no players what are the sizes of a fridge, they don't need to wear them some no pads. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not sayin' them players are "light in the loafers", but they do have them some games called "friendlies", so maybe that's another reason why they don't wear them no pads. I don't know.

Them games is played fer 90 minutes divided into 2 halves of... well accordin' to my calculator ... that's 45 minutes each. They also got them a 15 minute halftime between them two periods just like our football. (Gee! I wonder where they got that thar idea from?) Now during each half, they don't have no breaks fer no TV commercials, which is a big problem! How the heck do they expect them beer drinkin' fans to sit on the couch for 45 minutes and hold their waters? So I still think they gots some things to work out with that thar game.

Them soccer players ain't allowed to use their hands, which is fine with me, cause if I was playin' the game nonstop fer a 45-minute spell, I might like to eat me a sandwich every now and then, without interruptin', my game. So havin' your hands free has it's advantages. Know what I mean? I think y'all do. On the other hand, one of the problems I do have with soccer, is what's called them "headshots". See, that's when a feller on your team kicks the ball at you and expects you to use your noggin' to ricochet that thar ball into the goal. I tell y'all what, how the heck am I, if I was a player, supposed to do that when I'm chompin' down on a sandwich? Again, some things need to be ironed out, I reckon.

On the plus side, soccer is pretty much the most popular sport in the world and the World Cup, like them Olympics, sure does go long way towards unitin' folks from different countries. In these times of economic regression, that thar is a good thing! Meanwhile, the NFL still can't get a team goin' in Canada or even a European League with teams outside of Germany!

The U.S. Teams Chances of Winning The World Cup:

Now, I'll bet lots of y'all what don't know a soccer ball from a volley ball, didn't even know the USA has a team in that thar FIFA and that they got them a good shot of takin' home that prized trophy. The US team belongs to the sports association called CONCACAF. All them letters is a far cry from the NFL or the NBA, so again it's no wonder American's ain't too crazy 'bout soccer. Heck, even NASCAR can be pronounced better than CONCACAF what sounds like an organization that PETA oughtsta be lookin' into (conk-a calf?)!

Well, in the Word Cup, the US team is in what's called "Group C", along with England, Algeria, and Slovenia. Here's the schedule for this here group fer the opening round, so mark your Weather Watcher's Calendar:

June 12, 2010:
England vs. United States, at Royal Bafokeng Stadium, Rustenburg

June 13, 2010:
Algeria vs. Slovenia, at Peter Mokaba Stadium, Polokwane

June 18, 2010:
Slovenia vs. United States, at Ellis Park Stadium, Johannesburg
England vs. Algeria, at Cape Town Stadium, Cape Town

June 23, 2010:
Slovenia vs. England, at Nelson Mandela Bay Stadium, Port Elizabeth
United States vs. Algeria, at Loftus Versfeld Stadium, Pretoria

Now, if them US boys are a gonna take that thar cup, first thing's first. First, we gotta beat us that thar England team what features David Beckham. Now, I thought ole Mister Posh Spice played here in the US fer them Los Angeles Galaxy soccer team. But apparently, he's on loan to Milan, Italy. What does that mean? Why the heck would we loan him to anyone after gettin' him Yankee rich to play fer us? And, how in the world did that Red Coat git back to England anyway? Again, it don't take a rocket scientist to understand why soccer is as popular as prune juice here in the U.S.!

What To Say To Them U.S. Team Haters:

Let's face folks, even though our boys are a strong contender this year, the odds are against them winnin'. I reckon they is something like 80 to 1 to win the whole kitten kaboodle. As usual, the teams to beat are: Brazil, Italy, Germany, Spain, and Argentina. Most of these teams are tougher than a one-eared alley cat and have been playing the game longer than we've had our independence as a nation! Nevertheless, they do got a chance as underdogs, so here are a few choice words to tell them haters what think we got ain't a snow ball's chance in hell of gettin' that thar cup:

• We recently beat Spain in the Confederations cup, and we was even beating Brazil in the final fer a spell until the 2nd half.
• We won the "Hex" (CONCACAF Hexagonal Fourth Round) to qualify fer the World Cup. We also came first on the 3rd round, too!
• We qualified fer the World Cup ahead of Mexico and Costa Rica.
• We won the Olympic Gold Medal in Hockey, and we didn't even have to speak French to do it, neither!

Ok, maybe that and five dollars still won't get you a Grand Slam Breakfast at Denny's, but it will give you some national pride. So get out and support our boys and maybe, just maybe, you might even get even to trade fer a better t-shirt what don't smell as bad as yours!

All the best,
- Judd Jugmonger

PS. By the way, thar ain't just a World's Cup fer men, they done got one fer women, too. Ain't that somethin'? While the US Men's team has never won a FIFA World Cup, them ladies have won two FIFA Women's World Cups, in 1991 and 1999. How about that? Maybe I picked the wrong team to write a post about! And, I tell y'all what, some of them women are fine lookin' youngin's. I reckon there is somethin' to havin' them players wearin' short pants, after all!

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Links to follow FIFA and the U.S. Team:

The Official FIFA Word Cup Page: http://www.fifa.com/worldcup/
The Official USA Team Page on FIFA: http://www.fifa.com/worldcup/teams/team=43921/index.html
SBNation.com World Cup Preview - USA Team: http://www.sbnation.com/2010/5/13/1470582/united-states-2010-world-cup-preview

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 Here are some book fer all of you what don't nothin' about soccer:

Judd Jugmonger's NFL Draft Picks - 2010

Howdy folks and kin! Come this Thursday, April 22, 2010, it's draft for the NFL! So I put together an update for my podcast, Judd Jugmonger's NFL Picks, for all a y'all to hear my picks. Y'all can hear the  podcast on I-Tunes or download it by using the link at the right what says "MP3". As usual, for all a y'all what don't like my voice none, I've posted the transcript below for y'all to read and enjoy. Happy Draft Day!

Judd Jugmonger's NFL Mock Draft Picks - 2010
Pick 1: St. Louis Rams (1-15):	Sam Bradford, QB, Oklahoma
Pick 2: Detroit Lions (2-14):	Ndamukong Suh, DT, Nebraska
Pick 3: Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-13):	Gerald McCoy, DT, Oklahoma
Pick 4: Washington Redskins (4-12):	Russell Okung, OT, Oklahoma State
Pick 5: Kansas City Chiefs (4-12):	Eric Berry, S/CB, Tennessee
Pick 6: Seattle Seahawks (5-11):	Trent Williams, OT, Oklahoma
Pick 7: Cleveland Browns (5-11):	Earl Thomas, S/CB, Texas
Pick 8: Oakland Raiders (5-11):	Bruce Campbell, OT, Maryland
Pick 9: Buffalo Bills (6-10):	Bryan Bulaga, OT, Iowa
Pick 10: Jacksonville Jaguars (7-9):):	Derrick Morgan, DE Georgia Tech
Pick 11: Denver Broncos (7-9):	Dez Bryant, WR, Oklahoma State
Pick 12: Miami Dolphins (7-9):	Sergio Kindle, DE/LB, Texas
Pick 13: San Francisco (8-8):	Joe Haden, CB, Florida
Pick 14: Seattle Seahawks (8-8):	C.J. Spiller, RB, Clemson
Pick 15: New York Giants (8-8):	Rolando McClain, LB, Alabama
Pick 16: Tennessee Titans (8-8):	Jason Pierre-Paul, DE, South Florida
Pick 17: San Francisco 49ers (8-8):	Mike Iupati, OT/OG, Idaho
Pick 18: Pittsburgh Steelers (9-7):	Anthony Davis, OT, Rutgers
Pick 19: Atlanta Falcons (9-7):	Brandon Graham, DE Michigan
Pick 20: Houston Texans (9-7):	Kyle Wilson, CB Boise State
Pick 21: Cincinnati Bengals (10-6):	Jermaine Gresham, TE, Oklahoma
Pick 22: New England Patriots (10-6):	Jared Odrick, DT/DE, Penn State
Pick 23: Green Bay Packers (11-5):	Taylor Mays, S, USC
Pick 24: Philadelphia Eagles (11-5):	Maurkice Pouncey, C/G, Florida
Pick 25: Baltimore Ravens (9-7):	Demaryius Thomas, WR Georgia Tech
Pick 26: Arizona Cardinals (10-6):	Sean Weatherspoon, LB, Missouri
Pick 27: Dallas Cowboys (11-5):	Charles Brown, OT USC
Pick 28: San Diego Chargers (13-3):	Ryan Mathews, RB, Fresno State
Pick 29: New York Jets (9-7):	Roger Saffold OT/OG, Indiana
Pick 30: Minnesota Vikings (12-4):	Jimmy Clausen, QB, Notre Dame
Pick 31: Indianapolis Colts (14-2):	Dan Williams, DT, Tennessee
Pick 32: New Orleans (13-3):	Everson Griffen, DE, USC

---------- Begin Podcast Transcript ----------

Well, howdy folks and kin! This here is Judd Jugmonger, live from the Katywonkered Cafe'. Now in case any a y'all just come in from a Chamomile Tea Party somewhere, this week is NFL Draft Week. THE NFL, - that thar is the National Football League, where some highly educated youngins are gonna git some BIG money before they even done squat. Now, of course this week, come Thursday, is when all them fans start countin' their little chickies before they hatch ... a hopin' their teams are a gonna take draft picks what's gonna make their team gooderer then grits ... and not one can short of a six-pack. Know what I mean? I think you do.

All right, now since everyone is sittin' around chewin' this here fat - I thought I, a professional prognosticator, would give y'all my picks, uh sort of a mock draft of sorts, to let y'all know what I think about this and what not and what's a gonna go down, come the first round of selections on Draft Day ... and why. You know my sweety deety Jolene, always asks me "Judd, why they done that"... so I'm gonna sit here and explain it to y'all. Ok, so we got us 32 picks so let's get on it cause everyone wants to know if QB Tim Tebow is a gonna git snatched up quick or if and that thar QB Jimmy Clausen is gonna do the "Brady Quinn slide" and end up lookin' like Jimmy Olsen of the Daily Planet? Oh the excitement! I'm about as tickled as a bluegrass cat what found some catnip.

Pick 1: St. Louis Rams (1-15): Sam Bradford, QB, Oklahoma
All right, the clock is on them poor poor pitiful, St. Louis Rams... poor Rams. They was 1 and 15 last season, and played in more "Stinker Bowls" than I can count on 4 feet. To retool, they need them a quarterback, well in fact, they need just about a new everybody, but QB is where they need to start. Now I reckon that everyone agrees that Sam Bradford, out of Oklahoma is the best QB in the draft, so I think them boys from St. Louis will go with him. But you never know with them "poor Rams" cause over the years they done missed out on draftin' QBs like Matt Ryan, Joe Flacco, Chad Henne and even pretty boy Mark Sanchez, last year. So unless, they is one frame short of a full roll, and want to send the team back to Los Angeles they'll go with Bradford. Who knows they might even take Tebow!

Pick 2: Detroit Lions (2-14): Ndamukong Suh, DT, Nebraska
All right next is them 2 and 14 Detroit Lions. Now as far as I see it them kitties can do one of two things: take the pick or leave it trade down fer some other picks and get more value for this here pick. But I tell you what, I think a bird in the hand is more than 2 in bush so I think there gonna keep it. Problem is they could user either an OT or a DT ... decisions decisions decisions... seein' as they were doggone last defense that's a good place to start. So I think they'll go with Ndamukong Suh, uh Mr. SUH, that thar DT out of Nebraska. And, uh seein' as Tebow won't take kindly to playin' tackle on either sides of the offence - that ain't gonna happen.

Pick 3: Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-13): Gerald McCoy, DT, Oklahoma
Ok, next up is them Tampa Bay Buccaneers what swam with the fishes fer a lot a last year and you know how bad rotten fish stinks. Well, seein' as last year they finally got themselves a QB, this year they can go back to lookin' fer another defensive tackle like the great Warren Sapp. Now havin' the number 3 position means their hunt may be at an end cause they can take Gerald McCoy, DT, out of Oklahoma - assumin' Detroit takes Mr. "Suh" . Either way they this here what we call a "duh" pick - cause they need a DT and so they is a gonna git one.

Pick 4: Washington Redskins (4-12): Russell Okung, OT, Oklahoma State
All right, time for them Redskins from Washington. They was 4 and 12 and they can surely use some help on offense, especially cause now they got themselves a veteran QB in Donovan McNabb. So it don't take a rocket scientist to know they need someone what to give him some hamburger helper so that (a) he don't eat no dirt too often and (b) well you know Washington likes to run, so like they need a big boy to block. Now I think that Russell Okung, OT, out of Oklahoma State should fit the duck bill .. and if he ain't around they could always take Trent Williams, OT, out of Oklahoma if Okung ain't around. Either way, someone in Oklahoma is gonna be livin' high off the hog and don't you know it.

Pick 5: Kansas City Chiefs (4-12): Eric Berry, S/CB, Tennessee
All right, the clock is tickin' and the war drums are drummin' and we come to them 4 and 12 Kansas City Chiefs. Now I tell y'all what, this team is like Swiss Cheese what's been left out in the sun too long ... they got plenty of holes and stink to high heaven. On defense, they need to teach them boys how to tackle, but until they do, at least they can git Eric Berry, out of Tennessee, what can play both safety or corner back and stick him together with Brandon Flowers for nice a mix a .. uh .. well it sort a sounds like a fruit drink thar, uh berry and flowers punch, and we ain't talkin' - no daiquiri, but at least they can put a stop all those what the rest of their defense will miss. Their offensive line could sure use some help too, but lettin' other teams run up the numbers ain't gonna help that much.

Pick 6: Seattle Seahawks (5-11): Trent Williams, OT, Oklahoma
All right, at number six we got us them Seattle Seahawks. Now them birdies will be lookin' to put that thar new offensive line coach to work by giving him Trent Williams, OT, out of Oklahoma to play with. This should also help them Seattle QBs what were busier than than a one-legged man at a butt kickin' contest ... with them gettin' sacked 40 plus times last season. Speakin' a QBs, Seattle could use one ... maybe Tebow? I reckon they might, but I don't think they will until the 2nd round - and that is if Jimmy Clausen ain't still around.

Pick 7: Cleveland Browns (5-11): Earl Thomas, S/CB, Texas
Ok next up at number 7 is them Cleveland Browns. I tell y'all what the way I see it is that they need a safety ... and if they don't git no Eric Berry then they'll take this one, Earl Thomas, out of Texas. Tim Tebow, you say? Well figurin' that them Browns offense was about as ugly as the east end of a horse headed west, you might be sayin' yeah this makes sense but shoot, why not go after Jimmy Clausen, or heck make Brady Quinn trade bait and shoot fer Bradford by goin' after them Rams? Nah, I reckon they'll give Brady at least another year before feed him to the hogs. But heck who know? They might snatch up Tebow in the 2nd round assumin' Jimmy Clausen ain't still around and .... uh... well, we've been here before ain't we, folks.

Pick 8: Oakland Raiders (5-11): Bruce Campbell, OT, Maryland
Ok now we got us them Oakland Raiders and they need them an offensive tackle ... and Al Michaels likes them big and powerful - so look no further than Bruce Cambell out of Maryland. Now he' s taller and stronger than that thar Bryan Bulaga, out of Iowa. He's also faster ... boy can that porker run. He ain't as tubby as that thar Anthony Davis, out of Rutgers and I reckon that's a good thing. So I says go with height and speed over girth. Sorry, boys but whoosh .. thar goes Campbell right up the Draft board.

Pick 9: Buffalo Bills (6-10): Bryan Bulaga, OT, Iowa
All right now at number 9 we got us them Buffalo Bills. I tell you what, this one is a hard one to prognosticate cause them Bills could sure use an offensive Tackle and they could use a QB! Do you smell Tim Tebow? I'm not sure cause I think they could use a tackle more. So I thin they is a gonna go with that thar Bryan Bulaga, out of Iowa. If they're lucky they might be able to pick up Tebow in the 2nd round or maybe even Clausen. Now don't git me wrong, it would sure put pepper in Chan Gailey's gumbo to git his hands on Clausen ... but I think he's a gonna gamble a bit here and take a shot on a sure starter, Bulaga... what would help out any QB they bring in ... even another veteran.

Pick 10: Jacksonville Jaguars (7-9): Derrick Morgan, DE Georgia Tech

Ok, now we got them Jacksonville Jaguars and I don't think anyone really know which way the wind is a gonna blow on this one. Now some folks say they oughtsta to bring in Tebow cause he'll fill the stadium with Gator fans. I reckon not. How about Jimmy Clausen? He's right thar fer the takin' ... but again I reckon not. Why you say? Cause they got them their QB in Garrard, so why pay all that money to Clausen? They needed a defensive end ... but they got one by gettin' Aaron Kampman this month. Could they go fer depth at this position? Sure, so I says they go with Derrick Morgan out of Georgia Tech. This is "one cup a Joe" they can have cause it's already been saucered and blown. And that's all I have to say about that.

Pick 11: Denver Broncos (7-9): Dez Bryant, WR, Oklahoma State
All right now we got us them 7 and 9 Denver Broncos what moved up with a trade with Chicago: Uh let me put it this way ... elite WR Brandon Marshall went to them Fins, so it looks like these wooden horses need a WR and they need one quick. So ... Dez be nimble, Dez be quick - Dez git yourself over to Denver quick ... that's right. I'm sure them Fins would love to git their hands on Dez Bryant out of Oklahoma State - but Denver ain't gonna give them no satisfaction. If and they did they'd be one fry short of Happy Meal - and you can take that to the bank.... just like Brandon Marshall did!

Pick 12: Miami Dolphins (7-9): Sergio Kindle, DE/LB, Texas
All right, now at number 12 is my fins ... it's them Miami Dolphins, that is. Do they need linebacker? Well they got them Karlos Dansby but I think they might need a bit more cause rumor has it Jason Taylor is a talkin' to them Jets ... and Joey Porter went on over to them Arizona Cardinals. Now old Tuna Parcells just loves them big defensive players so I think that Sergio Kindle, DE/LB, out of Texas fits the duck bill. I sure would love them to grab them a safety ... cause they sure need one, but I reckon they'll do just fine later in the draft. Hey! How about that thar Tim Tebow? Well, I think to this team, he'd be about as handy as a back pocket on a stag shirt.

Pick 13: San Francisco (8-8): Joe Haden, CB, Florida
Ok next up on the clock is them San Francisco 49ers. the Singletary treat. And, he's a fixin' to fix him some holes in his secondary. So best on the draft board is Joe Haden, CB, out of Florida. This here is a match made in heaven. Yep, that would certainly dill them Frisco boy's pickles, real quick. Hey what about Tim Tebow? Well, I believe Joe Haden will go on and steal his thunder ... just like he did at that thar Florida Pro Day back in March. "Poor Tebow"!

Pick 14: Seattle Seahawks (8-8): C.J. Spiller, RB, Clemson
All right, here comes them Seattle Seahawks at number 14, after tradin' up with Denver. Now hopefully they got themselves an offensive tackle with their number 6 pick. So now, they need them someone to put some points on the board ... and that means yonder comes C.J. Spiller, RB, out of Clemson. Now this youngin' can run, catch and even return kicks. Who can ask for more? I reckon Matt Hasselbeck will keep him busier than a cat coverin' his what not on a marble floor. Now that thar QB Hasselbeck is in the last year of his contract, and Seattle already brought in some help fer him ... so I don't think they're a gonna pick up Jimmy Clausen... or Tebow. I may be wrong ... but I doubt it.

Pick 15: New York Giants (8-8): Rolando McClain, LB, Alabama
Ok. now we got us them New York Giants ... and when they say Giants they're probably talking their front seven. This year, I don't think they can pass up on Rolando McClain, LB, out of Alabama. That thar Tuna in Miami will be salivatin' over this one ... but I think he's gonna let this big fishy go to New York. If he don't you'll see Sergio Kindle end up over here.

Pick 16: Tennessee Titans (8-8): Jason Pierre-Paul, DE, South Florida
All right, at number 16 we got us them Tennessee Titans. Them big boys didn't have much of a pass rush last year, in fact, I'd say their front four were about as useful as a pogo stick in quicksand. So a hefty defensive end is what they need to start goin' after opposin' QBs. On my draft board, that brings us to Jason Pierre-Paul, DE, out of South Florida. Actually, South Florida is up thar Tampa ... and from where I come from that is North. Anyways ... they could use them a cornerback too, but I think they need to start up front and rebuild that thar front line. Teach them boys how to pass rush and what not so that they don't keep ridin' the short bus home from the stadium for half their games.

Pick 17: San Francisco 49ers (8-8): Mike Iupati, OT/OG, Idaho
All right, for number 17, we go back to San Francisco what traded up with Carolina. Nothin' could be finer that to be in Carolina ... unless you're in San Francisco with this here pick - cause you can either continue to beef up your offensive line or even get you a QB. Now over thar on the west coast, I don't think Tebow has the drawin' power to make much difference. How about Jimmy Clausen? Well to help me with this prognostication, I spun me my little pigskin and it ended up point to ... well the offensive line. If they can git OG, Mike Iupati out of Idaho, that would surely add some beefstock to their men in the trenches. They could also go with that thar Anthony Davis ... but I say stick to that thar guard. At 325 pounds and with his 35-inch arms, Mike can even play tackle. He's gonna rope and ride them doggies and put some of them up wet! Yes ma'am, we're talkin' some big USRDA beef here ... anymore and we'd need us some BBQ sauce.

Pick 18: Pittsburgh Steelers (9-7): Anthony Davis, OT, Rutgers
Ok, next up on the draft clock is them Pittsburgh Steelers. I think it's pretty obviouos where they need help ... their offensive line, cause gunslinger Ben Roethlisberger was sent to lala land one too many times and over all their runnin' game was about as useful as a two legged hound dog. On my draft board, assuming that Mike Iaputi... Iapati ole what's his name goes with them 49ers, so them Steelers could take ... Tim Tebow.. no just joshin... they'd git themselves that thar OT, Anthony Davis, out of Rutgers. I think this makes sense and I think Anthony would be smilin' like a goat in a briarpatch to stay up North and .. well, to just be picked already.

Pick 19: Atlanta Falcons (9-7): Brandon Graham, DE Michigan
Ok next on the clock is them 9 and 7 Atlanta Falcons. Now these birdies need to shore up defensive line and linebacker corps. So I think the big man to fill them shoes is Brandon Graham, what's a DE out of Michigan. Now the truth is them Falcons could surely use a pass rusher .... but I think of what's on the board, so they oughtsta go with this here pittbull. Generally speakin ... haha I said there General Lee .. uh that thar Brandon ain't as big them others, but well, if power was coffee, he'd have enough for a string a Starbucks. If they can teach this youngin' to squirt through that thar line and git to them QBs, they'd be floatin' over the moon in Atlanta.

Pick 20: Houston Texans (9-7): Kyle Wilson, CB Boise State
All right, next up is them 9 and 7 Houston Texans. Can you spell CORNERBACK? These boys need to Dial 1-800-CORNERBACK, and quick! First off they done lost their starting corner in free agency, and second off ... well they gotsta play Peyton Manning and Co. twice a year. So, this here is a no-brainer, the way I see it. Running back you say? Well sure they can use them some of them most definitely .... but I reckon they can stack their decks in some later rounds. In their division, y'all gotsta be thinkin' defense first. If ya don't, then y'all is crazier than a run-over dog. Don't be surprised if they trade up to snatch them a running back, too, like Ryan Mathews, out of Fresno State.

Pick 21: Cincinnati Bengals (10-6): Jermaine Gresham, TE, Oklahoma
Ok, the draft clock is tickin', it won't take no lickin' and up to the plate come them Cincinnati Bengals. Well I tell you what, they got them that Carlson Palmer - so what they need now is some folks what are catch his balls? Know what I mean? I think you do .. . and it ain't gonna be Tim Tebow, so hold that gator for a spell. For this pick I'm thinkin' Jermaine Gresham, a TE out of Oklahoma. The draft board ain't stacked with impact wide receivers ... and Gresham is rated tops, and he can line up as a receiver, too, so I'd say this was a safe bet. That was easy!

Pick 22: New England Patriots (10-6): Jared Odrick, DT/DE, Penn State
All right , next up is them New England Patriots. I smell Geritol on both sides of the line of scrimmage and it ain't cause Brett Favre what is older than the mountains is in the house, neither. The way I see, with this pick, is that y'all have to take a look at what's still stickin' on the draft board. And unless you want Tim Tebow, what all y'all will see is that them defensive picks are lookin' a bit better than them offensive picks ... fer the money that is. So I say they go with Jared Odrick, DT/DE, out of Penn State to help them shore up their line ... and I ain't talkin' the Jersey Shore! Odrick would surely be a good replacement for Jarvis Green what they got thar.

Pick 23: Green Bay Packers (11-5): Taylor Mays, S, USC
All right next up is them Green Bay Packers what were sent packin' from the playoff in their loss to them Cardinals. remember that? That thar loss was as ugly as ... well lemme put it to y'all this way, If I had me a hound as ugly as that thar loss, I’d shave his butt and make him walk backwards. Best on the draft board to git them headed in the right direction is Taylor Mays, the safety, out of USC. He's the best of the lot, assuming Green Bay don't trade up to get someone for their offensive line ... cause they need some help their, too! But I think gettin' shredded in the them playoffs on defense speaks volumes of encyclopedias about their needs. But a safety will save their defense from gettin' carved up like a thanksgivin' turkey. Go with Mays, and give Clay Mathews some help. May the force of Bart Starr be with all a y'all.

Pick 24: Philadelphia Eagles (11-5): Maurkice Pouncey, C/G, Florida
What comes flyin' over the horizon to stand on the draft podium is ... well it ain't Tim Tebow, but it's them Philadelphia Eagles: I reckon that this team has got some holes on their offensive line, in their running back corps, and all over their defense. If you were makin' spaghetti you could use their defense as a sieve. Still, for the money, I think they oughtsta go with Maurkice Pouncey, C/G, Florida. Help them git some of that shirt yardage they been missin'. Thar's plenty of depth at running back in the draft and they can also pick up some decent linebackers later on to help them out, bless their hearts. Anyways, you know how them Eagles love them linemen! And, I ain't talkin' the Wichita lineman, here.... what's still on the line....

Pick 25: Baltimore Ravens (9-7): Demaryius Thomas, WR Georgia Tech
All right, the clock is still tickin' and here come them Baltimore Ravens at 9 and 7. Ok, so far this offseason, they got them Anaquin Skywalker, uh nope that thar is Anquan uh, Boldin and also Donte' Stallworth, so I reckon they is done givin' Joe Flacco some hands to go whacko with. Or is they? I tell y'all what, I think they is greedy buggers and are gonna grab them that thar Demagio ... uh .. Derriere ... uh .. Demaryius Thomas, the WR out of Georgia Tech. If Tim Tebow could catch they might snatch him too ... but I don't see that happenin'.

Pick 26: Arizona Cardinals (10-6): Sean Weatherspoon, LB, Missouri
Ok, now on the draft clock is them Arizona Cardinals, flyin' high off a last years success ... not that they got to the Superbowl none, but they did beat up on them Packers, and came close before losin' to Drew ... "Call him the Breeze" Brees and his saintly crew. Now them birdies did well, but the way I see it they got them a stinker defense where the run is concerned. In the playoffs, they gave up like 45 points in 2 games! So I reckon they oughtsta go with Sean Weatherspoon, LB out of Missouri, if he is still around this deep in the 1st round. Them birdies is a contender, thar ain't no doubt about that... and if they can keep them other teams from makin' them look like roadkill ... they might git a bit on further down the road to the big game!

Pick 27: Dallas Cowboys (11-5): Charles Brown, OT USC
All right, now we got us them 11 and 5 Dallas Cowboys. They could surely use some help at safety and their offensive line. Seein' whose left on the draft board, other than Tim Tebow and Jimmy Clausen, I'd say go with Charles Brown, OT out of USC... that's Charles Brown to all y'all, not Charlie Brown. Now, it seems to me that them Cowboys don't really need much of anyone real badly like. Maybe Tony Romo and crew could use up a young back up to pass on his knowledge to ... anyone come to mind? Tim Tebow maybe? I reckon not, but who knows.

Pick 28: San Diego Chargers (13-3): Ryan Mathews, RB, Fresno State
All right, now a lot a y'all might be wonderin' at this point "Hey, what about them running backs? Ain't thar noone what wants a good running back?" Well, chargin' to the draft podium is them San Diego Chargers, all riled up and randy cause they is fixin' to git them Ryan Mathews, a RB out of Fresno State and the only the 2nd running back to be taken in this here draft. And that's that. They need someone to hold hands with Darren Sproles in the backfield, so he won't be so lonely, and anyway he ain't no every down type of runner.

Pick 29: New York Jets (9-7): Roger Saffold, OT/OG, Indiana
Ok, waitin' fer take off on the draft clock at number 29 is them New York Jets. They wasn't gonna wait around fer the draft to git them fixed up in terms of wide receivers cause they traded fer Sa Antoinio ... uh Santonio Holmes. So what else they metal birdies need? Hey, How about Tim Tebow? Nope, they all ready got one purty boy in form of Mark Sanchez .. smile purty! Nope I think they is gonna go after Roger Saffold, OT/OG, out of Indiana to help protect that thar purty boy cause eatin' dirt don't look good fer the paparazzi. Now Rex Ryan likes them defensive boys too, but I think they need to protect their investment in Hannah Montana .. uh ... I mean Mark Sanchez some. Smile purty!

Pick 30: Minnesota Vikings (12-4): Jimmy Clausen, QB, Notre Dame
All right, here we go, on the clock is them Minnesota Vikings. I tell you what , if Tim Tebow is a gonna land anywhere, it might just be with them Vikings. They need to start groomin' some youngin' here cause old Burt .. uh .. I mean Brett Favre is gonna be shufflin' off to them shuffle boards, sooner than later. He'll be pitchin' that thar Geritol on them golf courses before long. So I see them purple boys taken a QB here in the 1st round. If I followed the draft board I'd say Clausen is ripe fer the taking. Question is, is it gonna be Tebow or Clausen? Boards say Clausen ... and I have to agree. Clausen would do well to serve under Favre for a year... and I don't think Favre is ready to hang it up just yet, when he was that close to the big game. Sorry Tebow, but logic and the board says Clausen comes first. Anyway he's from the Notre Dame ... so y'all know how that goes.

Pick 31: Indianapolis Colts (14-2): Dan Williams, DT, Tennessee
Ok, now at the draft podium stands a bunch a losers... just joshin' Peyton, ... well folk's it's them Indianapolis Colts. I reckon they'll go with pickin' someone fer their offensive line, especially since at that thar Superbowl loss, heartbreakin' as it was, Bill Polian standin' thar pointed fingers. So that's what's logical ... but I reckon that logic goes out the barndoor when y'all see that DE, Dan Williams out of Tennessee is still on the boards. Passin' him up would be like sayin' no to Mountain Dew! In fact, bein' from Tennessee, Williams might just even bring over a few jugs! So how can anyone say no to that? I'll just hush up mug, if you'll fill up my jug, with that good ole mountain dew.

Pick 32: New Orleans (13-3): Everson Griffen, DE, USC
All right, its the last call for the last round of them 1st round selections. "Oh when them saints come marchin' in ... yep folks , enter them New Orleans Saints, champions of the planet Earth for their pick. What does these Pabst Blue Ribbon winners need? Old habits die hard, so you know they want a defensive lineman or linebacker. So I think they might go after that thar Everson Griffen, DE, out of USC. He can also line up as an outside linebacker if need be. if he ain't around, then they'll go with Jerry Hughes out of TCU, what can even line up as a defensive end. So either they is as covered as oak barrel of Jack Daniels. Hey! What about Tebow? We didn't find him a home? Now look folks, I like me Tebow a lot - but it don't take a chicken to spot a rotten egg, and I just don't think he is 1st round material. But then again ... neither was Brett Favre. So if that ain't a compliment, I don't know what is! Look fer Tebow to go in round 2.

Well that's it's fer me folks, that thar is my picks. I heap y'all will join once the season gits goin' again, for my Weekly Pick on who's a gonna win and what not. And sometime very soon, I'll be doin' a music podcast, a bit a blues a bit of bluegrass a bit all manners of music to help support all them unsigned artists. So if you are unsigned and are lookin' to git some promotion fer your music give me a holler and I'll help all a y'all out ... cause that is the kind of man I is. Now, fer all a you what will be buyin' new boats from bettin' on what youngins are gonna get git in what rounds ... don't forget me and all them picks I set all a y'all up with. Git on over to http://www.jugmongers.com/, that's Jugmongers with a "J" and send me a little donation so I can tail gate like it's nobody's business come this season... and also maybe git me a Martin D-28 guitar to pick a little Bluegrass on. Finally some words of wisdom to take y'all through trainin' camp: "Every day above ground, is a good one" - and y'all can take that to the bank!

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Ok, that's it for my picks. If you are interested in seein' some other terrific mock drafts from NFL fans, here's a few good site's what's good a lot a them:

http://www.hailredskins.com/MockDraft.htm

http://nfldrafttoday.com/nfl-mock-draft-database/

http://www.fftoolbox.com/nfl_draft/2010/nfl-mock-draft-database.cfm

http://www.footballfanspot.com/nflmockdraftdatabase.htm

http://walterfootball.com/


Now, fer all a y'all what to like know it all and be a smarty pants come football season, this here book is fer you! I recommend it!