Judd Jugmonger's NFL Picks - 2010 - Week 4

Howdy Folks and Kin!

It's week 4 of the NFL season and I just updated my weekly podcast in what I give my picks fer the week. The podcast is on I-Tunes, and y'all can also download them episodes in MP3 format right here over on the sidebar. Now, for all y'all what don't like my voice none, I post the podcast transcripts right here below. Good luck and don't ferget me when y'all win big!

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Well howdy folks and kin! This here is Judd Jugmonger, and hey, I'm once again here live from the Katywonkered Cafe' to get y'all fixed up with my picks fer the 2010 NFL football season. That thar is the National Football League, where some teams are like possums on account of they play dead at home and get themselves killed on the road! Speaking of roadkill, last week thar was lots of upsets, but also some long shots what came in, Like I told they would. Now, this week, it's muddy waters fer some teams, and the open road fer some others. So let's get on it and get'er done.....

Baltimore Ravens (2-1) at Pittsburgh Steelers (3-0):

Ok, first up we got us them 2 and 1 Ravens vs. them 3 and 0 Steelers. I reckon this here is gonna be a good game, maybe even the game of the week, right off the bat! Y'all have to give them Pittsburgh boys credit fer keepin' the gravy train of wins a runnin' without their startin' gunslinger, Ben Rothlislinger, uh, berger what's been in the NFL pen fer the last 4 weeks. He get's paroled on Monday and comes back to a team what's been in caretaker mode since his suspension, and what is runnin' out of QBs, but quick! Meanwhile them Baltimore birdies have the number 1 ranked defense in the league, even though I think they could use some something to stop them other teams from gettin' the runs. Still, I reckon, QB Joe Flacco, the whacko, what still hasn't won on Heinz field, is gonna team up with Anakin Skywalker, uh, I mean Anquan Boldin, to remind them Steelers just how important a stable QB is. Go with them Ravens what will melt down them Steelers this week.

Detroit Lions (0-3) at Green Bay Packers 2-1):

Alright, next up we got us them 0 and3 Lions what go a visitin' them 2 and 1 Packers. Well folk, thar ain't much to say here. Them Detroit kitties is almost last in the league in defense, and well heck, I ain't sure they got themselves an offense. Back up QB, Shaun Hill oughtsta change his name to Sam, as in What the Sam Hill is goin' over here with them 5 interceptions? Now, Them Green Bay boys lost last week, and y'all know that they ain't gonna make that 2 in a row. So go with them Packers what will pack up them Lions and make canned spam of them.

Carolina Panthers (0-3) at New Orleans Saints (2-1):

Alright, yonder come them 0 and 3 Panthers vs. them 2 and 1 Saints. Last week, them Saints took a long fall from heaven when they lost to them Falcons on account of that thar botched field goal. So this past week they went and got them a new kicker. QB Drew "call him the breeze" Brees is tryin' to compensate for the runnin' game what's been so dry ... well, put it this way, if the backfield were trees they'd be so dry they'd have bribe some dogs fer some action. Maybe they need more fiber or pruneys in their diet, I don't know. As for them Carolina kitties, well they ain't been the cat's meow in quite a while. QB Matt Moore, fresh from lala land, was benched and QB Jimmy Olsen, uh, I mean Clausen, you know like them dill pickles? Well, thar that Gherkin got him an interception and lost two fumbles last week. "Nothin' could be finer than to be in Caroliner"... except for them Panthers. Go with them Saints!

San Francisco 49ers (0-3) at Atlanta Falcons (2-1):

Ok, it's them 0 and 3 49ers what pay a visit to them 2 and 2 Falcons. Well, it looks like some fans are gettin' their lobster pots out to boil Mike Singletary on account of his team's poor poor pitiful start. Ok, so now them 49ers got them a new offensive coordinator. If y'all ask me, they need a new QB, on account of Alex Smith, with 5 give aways is no San Francisco treat. Know what I mean? I think y'all do. Now them Falcons is doin' what they can to improve week by week, and QB Matt Ryan and his backfield have been rackin' up the yardage and them points. So I say, go with them birdies what will run the numbers on them 49ers!

New York Jets (2-1) at Buffalo Bills (0-3):

Alright, now we got us them Jets vs. then 0 and 3 Bills. Look like them hard knockin' metal birdies' playin' has finally caught up with their mouths. After last week's win over my fins, I'd say them Jets will wanting be a wanting to turn on the afterburners and take the division lead. QB Mark Sanchez (smile pretty) played well enough last week to earn my respect, even though Chad Henne, not Penny, played better. Meanwhile them Bills finally benched QB Trent Edwards and finally let Ryan Fitzpatrick take his shot, what fared somewhat better last week, even though they still lost to them Patriots. Will this be the week them Bills turn it around? Will that youngin' C.J. Spiller get him the runs? Well folks, I'd like to see that happen, but I think them Jets have reached cruisin' altitude and, well, their auto-pilot will drop a heavy load on them Buffalo BIlls, what are lookin' more like Duck Bills, if ya ask me. Go with them Jets what are cleared fer take off.

Denver Broncos (1-2) at Tennessee Titans (2-1):

Ok, now we got us them 1 and 2 Broncos vs. them 2 and 1 Titans. Heck, this here's another easy one. Them Tennessee bluegrass big boys are flyin high form their win over them Giants last week, and them Broncos what oughtsta be bustin' broncos are playin' more like pracin' unicorns. If y'all ain't never ate no horsemeat before, I reckon the price per pound over thar in Denver is droppin' like dead flies. So, get on over thar and get some before it's all gone. Oh, and Denver RB Knowshon was a no show last week, (hehehe) I just had to say that. Go with them Titans what will take the Pabst Blue Ribbon this week!

Seattle Seahawks (2-1) at St. Louis Rams 1-2):

Alright, now we got us them 2 and 1 Seahawks vs them 1 and 2 Rams. I tell y'all what, them "poor " Rams surely made me eat some crow last week by beatin' them Redskins. Surprise, surprise! But the real question is will they do it again this week? Now, I like that thar youngin' QB Sam Bradford what had a good game last week, and will be a wantin' to take advantage of a Seattle defense what are 1 can short of a six-pack on account of they gave up 455 yards last week to them Chargers. Still, I think that them San Diego birdies have got enough in their engine, especially their special teams' engine, to roll over them Rams. QB David Hasselhoff .. uh I mean Matt Hasselback will try to remind us all they got them an offense, too! Hey, I want to give a big salute to that thar Seattle special teamer Leon Washington what had two kickoff returns for touchdowns! 99 yards and them some! Them was things of beauty. I swear, that boy oughtsta be in NASCAR. He can say "hello" to Danica Patrick fer me so I can hear her say, Go Daddy ... and y'all oughtsta go with them Seahawks, too!

Cincinnati Bengals (2-1) at Cleveland Browns (0-3):

(Doo do te do do do) Ok, we're back and it's time to watch where y'all step! Cause accordin' to my observatorials and prognostinationals ..... (drum roll) it's the stinker bowl! "When ye are sad and lonely and gots no place to go, go and git your clothes pins and stick them on your nose, cause it's the weekly stinker bowl! And, this week, comin' into the stadium a wavin' their banner's low are them 2 and 1 Bengals what pay their respects to them 0 and 3 Browns. Now them Cincinnati kitties won last week somehow, even though it wasn't purty, but a win is still a win, and they sure did won themselves one. Them Browns found themselves a bit of a runnin' game in RB Peyton Hillis what ran fer like 144 yards last week. Now it looks like ole QB Jake Delhomme will be back up and runnin' after 2 weeks of hobblin' around like that thar little green fellow, Yoda. Ok, so I prognosticate that this is the week them Browns turn it around. It ain't a long-shot, but I think them Cleveland Browns have had enough of gettin' flushed each week. Then I again, I may be wrong.

Indianapolis Colts (2-1) at Jacksonville Jaguars (1-2):

Ok, here's another game what y'all don't need a rocket scientist to figure out. It's them 2 and 1 Colts vs. them 1 and 2 Jaguars. Peyton Manning and co. are a gonna get out their Colt 45s and just blow them kitties away, plain and simple. Folks, if y'all like to see one team run up them numbers on another team, this here is the game fer you. It's gonna git as ugly as a possum's behind, and them Jaguars are gonna git neutered! QB David Garrard must be thinkin' to himself "now why on Earth would my team want to go and pick up QB Trent Edwards off them waivers last week? Hmmm...". The short story folks, is ... that them Jaguars take the short bus home from the stadium. And that's all she wrote.

Houston Texans (2-1) at Oakland Raiders (1-2):

Ok, next up is them 2 and 1 Texans vs. them 1 and 2 Raiders. Them Two Steppin' Texans got themselves two left feet last week as they got tripped up by them Dallas Cowboys what roped and rid them hard. The big question is ... will it happen again this week? QB Matt Schaub looked more like that thar investment banker Charles Schwab. Them Raiders played a good game, but that thar kicker, Sebastian Jacuzzie, uh ... Janitorowksi, uh ... well y'all know who I mean! - He missed three field goals and cost them the game! Now last week, I thought fer sure them Texans would win, but I was proven wrong! So, this week I spun me my little pigskin, and it pointed to them Texans again ... even though I got me the heebie jeebies over this one. So go with them Texans, but, as they say in France, Caviar Emptor!

Arizona Cardinals (2-1) at San Diego Chargers (1-2):

Ok, now we got us them 2 and 1 Cardinals vs. them 1 and 2 Chargers. Them Chargers haven't had too much zap this season so far. Maybe it's on account that they're feelin' poorly. They got them some injuries in their backfield, their offensive front line and their linebacker corps. That right, I said corpse! Hey! What about them Arizoney Cardinals? Well they got lucky last week and won on account of that thar Oakland kicker, Jack-o-lantern,,, uh, Jackson...uh, "we got married in Jackson, hotter than a Julius Peppers sprout"...hmm... uh, oh sorry folks ... yeah they won on account of that thar missed field goal. QB Derek Anderson, well, he ain't been too hot as a pepper sprout. In fact, he's got a QB rankin' what is like 4th worst in the league. So this game is gonna be a real snoozer, folks. If y'all ask me, I'd say San Diego QB Phil Rivers, will pull this one out... and zap him some Cardinals. That's right, so go with them Chargers.

Washington Redskins (1-2) at Philadelphia Eagles (2-1):

Alright, and now it's the continuin' adventures of them 2 and 1 Eagles and crazy legs QB Michael Vince (woof woof). This week they play them Redskins what are 1 and 2. Washington QB Donovan McNabb used to play fer them Eagles. Now he plays fer them Redskins. QB Kevin Kolb used to start fer them Eagles, but he got knocked to lala land and Vicks came on and sent everyone to WOW WOW land on account of his spectacular playin'. Last year, both them QBs, Vicks and McNabb played together ... and so did Kevin Kolb ... and uh, ... well it's beginnin' to sound like that thar Abbot and Costello routine, "who's on first and what's on fer supper". The bottom line is this here is a gonna be a good game. A real shootout! But at the end of chow line them Eagles will be flyin' high on account of they got them a better defense. So that's that.

Chicago Bears (3-0) at New York Giants (1-2):

Ok, next up is them is them 3 and 0 Bears vs. them 1 and 2 Giants. I reckon that most folks are surprised that them Bears are still undefeated and that them Giants have only won them one game! If I didn't know better, I'd tell y'all: "folks, don't squirt on my leg, and tell me it's a rainin'!" - just like I sang in my band's album, Jugmongers: Live At The Hootenanny. Chicago QB Jay Cutler has been busier that a cat tryin' to cover his what not on a marble floor, and doin' a fine job of that. Meanwhile, New York QB Eli Mannin' has been playin' "keepin' up with them neighbor Jones" with Brett Geritol Favre, for racin' to see who's got the most interceptions in the league. So I reckon, them turnovers is a gonna be the tell-tale sign for who's goin' home riding' the short bus. Them Chicago special teams have also played well and that thar Devin Hester had a 62-yard punt return for a touchdown! That thar was good! So I say go with them Bears what are gonna knock down them Giants a few more pegs.

New England Patriots (2-1) at Miami Dolphins (2-1):

Alright, It's Monday Night Football! And it's my 2 and 1 Dolphins what play host to them 2 and 1 Patriots. Oh lord, it's another division game fer my fins what lost to them Jets last week. Now Chad Henne, not Penny, played his heart out, God bless him, and most fans agree that the offense kicked it into high gear. But, they still lost to a division rival and got kicked in the pants anyway... and that ain't no fun. In the AFC East, them Dolphins, Patriots and Jets are all tied up. So this is a must win ... fer both teams! Now them Fin's defense has been smokin' except fer last week, when uh, maybe they was smokin' somethin' else. Now them Patriots have been holdin' their own, but it ain't been purty. Their defense ain't been so hot and has been given up them yards like grocery coupons. On offense, QB Tom Brady been holdin' his end up of the eatin' stick, as he usually does, but all in all, I'm gonna have to say: Go with Fins on account of I think their defense will bounce back and their offense will continue to improve. But, folks I got an uneasy feelin' about this game, and I hope I won't be needin' some comfort food to go along with a plate of crow. Go with them Fins!

Well, that's it's fer me folks. Them is my picks. Now, I tell y'all what, Halloweeney is a comin' and I got to get me some pumpkins to make some Janikowskis, uh I mean, Jack O' Lanterns for the Halloween Hootenanny. So I'm hopin' y'all will help me out, especially on account of I done give y'all these picks to win you some cash. So when y'all do, don't ferget me ... and don't ferget that our band has released our CD, Jugmongers: Live At The Hootenanny, like what I told you before! So get on over to I-Tunes, Amazon.com, CDbaby.com or even our website, that thar is www.jugmongers.com, that's jugmongers with a "J", and buy our album or a T-Shirt, or both and show your friends and kin that you support them Jugmongers' arts. And tell all your freinds and kin that Judd Jugmonger says to do the same! And don't ferget, if any of y'all out there want to advertise your services, companies or wares with my personal endorsement, well, send me an email. Y'all can find it on my website (or here on my blog). Ok, and now some words of wisdom: Mark Twain, the great American writer, said: "Always do right - this will gratify some and astonish the rest." I says ... don't ferget to do right by me ... that's what I just above!

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PS. Ok, here are some good readin' what I recommend fer all y'all what like to know what to think about this that and what not!

 

Judd's Picks: The Indy 500 - Who Will Win!

Howdy Folks & Kin,

Welcome to Memorial Day weekend! Fer lots a folks I know, that means 2 things: BBQ and Racing. For them BBQ fans, it might mean chicken or burgers. For them racin' fans, it means the Indy 500 or the NASCAR Coco Cola 600. I hope if y'all are like me, you'll enjoy both.

Now, since the Indy 500 is considered by many to be the greatest spectacle in racin', folks are always pesterin' me about what I think about this and that and about who's a gonna win what and why. I'm especially talkin' about them folks what want me to use my powers of prognosticatin' to help win them some bettin' money! Well, on the chance that some of them do win and might remember me - the kind hearted feller I am what gave y'all them picks - I thought I'd throw my two cents and some wooden nickels into the manifold and watch the sparks fly. So I'm gonna tell you who I like in that thar Indy 500 race.

Ok, first off, let me explain why I believe I'm qualified to give my picks for that thar race:

(1) I hail from South Florida and drove the I-95 lots, so I know somethin' about drivin' under Yellow Flag conditions, and havin' folks zoom up behind you just to smell your tail pipe like a hound dog, and then try to overtake you and cut you off. Of course, if you try to cut someone off on I-95, folks start shootin' like its the New York subway, so after some time you get learned on how to take off like Moody's Goose and accelerate in and away from the crowd.

(2) I've also been in more than a fair share of fender benders, but never one I didn't drive away from. I've had engine fires and head on collisions, and even once had a policeman on Miami Beach tell me I can't drive, and I quote, "that bust up piece of turd" on the streets! Once, I was even sittin' in my car, what was parked at the end of a block in Miami Beach, and had an 89 year old blue haired driver make a right turn into me goin' like 10 miles per hour. So I know what that thar Blue Flag is all bout, too!

(3) I also know lots about drivin' in circles on account of I lived fer a spell in Houston and drove the I-610. That thar's the "Loop". It's a good thing they put in an exit fer Galveston and also one fer the Katy Freeway, cause otherwise I might still be drivin' that thar ring road today!

(4) I know somethin' about drivin' long distances. I drove coast to coast from Miami to Los Angeles, and then some. I also took the Greyhound Bus cross country a couple times back when I was a youngin', again Miami to Los Angeles. I tell you what folks, we sure got us a beautiful country, and them old Federal Highways still beat the pants off of them fancy Interstates. Of course, I still spend lots of time tourin' with my band, but mainly I don't do the drivin' no more on account of I like to write my songs when I'm on the road. Song writin' and drivin' don't mix, so these days I take the bus or the train.

(6) I drove though tropical storms in Miami and snow storms in New York, and on mountain dirt roads in Michigan. So I know a thing or two about fish tailin'.

(7) I like NASCAR, though I never ran moonshine, unlike some of my cousins and kinfolk. But, I have had my share of bears, county mounties and state troopers run me down. I like that thar GTA2, but not so much GTA3; that thar Liberty City is just too realistic fer me, especially since I hail from Miami! BUSTED!

(8) I can watch "The Blues Brothers" and "Smokey And The Bandit" back to back all day.

All right, all that bein' said, now I'm gonna tell you what I think about the big race. Now keep in mind that some of my ideas might not make much sense in the traditional racin' perspectives, but them is my picks anyways.

Now it goes without sayin' that of all them drivers what have qualified have got the skills and know how to win this here race. So thar's no point in me talkin' about how good they drive. That would be as dumb as me tellin' y'all how to eat a Florida Orange, so I want to focus some other issues. All right, here it goes.

Overall, I like me that thar Andretti Autosports racin' team. They sure got them some good drivers! Any of them could win this here big race, and here's why:

Position: 17, Car 37, Odds: 50-1 or 30-1
- Ryan Hunter-Reay: Why? On account he's a Florida boy just like me. Florida boys just do it better. That thar's a fact, plain and simple. He won the IndyCar Series Rookie of the Year back in 2007. He also won his first IndyCar race at Watkins Glen International. He's drivin' that thar IZOD car this year, which also happens to be the race's main sponsor. So I reckon if this race was fixed, and I ain't sayin' it is, he be a safe bet for advertisin' purposes. Now until the 90s, IZOD had that thar gator for its logo, and well, we got some gators here in Florida, includin' the Florida Gators college football team what had Tim Tebow for their quarterback. So thar you go! Ok, ok, now I know lots of y'all will bust my chops tellin' me that thar IZOD gator was really a preppy French Crocodile by the name of "Lacoste". Shucks, I hope that don't "cost" him the race, none! Finally, Ryan lives in Ft. Lauderdale, which is a stone's throw from Miami, so I reckon he's picked up a few moves drivin' on I-95!

Position 33, Car 11, Odds: 10-1 or 22-1
- Tony Kanaan: Why? He ain't from America, but he's one heck of a driver and looks good in a cowboy hat. He hails from Brazil, which is South America, and where they got them a good soccer team. That's got to mean something. He also drives that thar 7-11 Slurpee car - and well, I can't resist a Slurpee! As a driver, he is gooder’n grits. He's got him 13 Indy wins! Now, he's won all sorts of races and has finished its hard to think of any race without him finishin' in the top 5 or 10. He's even won a few races, too. You can never count Tony out of nothin'. Over the driven with some of the best, and still does! Lastly, Tony also in Miami, so I reckon he knows all about I-95 and defensive drivin'! Now call me sentimental, but I think the most folks are rootin' and tootin' for ole' Tony to win this one, even though he's starting in the 33rd position. Oh thank heaven for 7-11 and Tony Kanaan!

Position 16, Car 7, Odds: 12-1 or 30-1
- Danica Patrick: On account of ... well, shucks, you know she's Danica Patrick! Enough said on that one. Her big win in the 2008 Indy Japan 300 made her the first woman to win an Indy car race! How about that! She's one smart driver, and I tell you what, I respect her cause she can stick it to them men drivers without losin' her femininity none. She was Rookie of the Year for both the 2005 Indianapolis 500 and the 2005 IndyCar Series season. She also started and finished 4th that year. In 2008 she was the first woman to win a major closed-course auto race. Last year, of course, she finished 3rd place at Indy and was 5th overall in them championship standin's! She's drivin' that thar GoDaddy.Com car and I tell y'all what, she can drive circles round me any day! I'll bet lots a drivers will be fiddlin' with their pole positions when she comes around that thar track. If thar was a woman what could win this race, she's the one... and I'd surely like to see her wallop that thar Milka Duno anyway. Heck, she even drives NASCAR now! God Bless Danica Patrick!

Position 13, Car 26, Odds: 15-1 or 16-1
- Marco Andretti: Why? He's Michael Andretti's son and Mario Andretti's grandson! He's one heck of a chip off both of them ole blocks. He's actually a 3rd generation race, so you know he's got the genes, and I ain't talkin' bout no Levi's Jeans, neither. He came a close second in 2006's race. This year he's drivin' that thar Venom Energy Drink car what's sort of looks like Spiderman's car, even though Venom was one of Spiderman's enemies. I reckon, that might scare some other drivers some. He's one up and comin' racin' youngin' what also live in Miami!

Honorable Mentions:

Now outside of the Andretti team, another feller I got my eyes on is this youngin': Graham Rahal: Why? Heck, he's Bobby Rahal's boy, and now both Rahal Sr. and Jr. are workin together. Outside of Indy, he's also workin with Sara Fisher's team. Sara, of course, is also drivin' in the race. She drives that thar yellow Dollar General Stores car. Now I like them Dollar General Stores. They got some good deals thar! She's also a good role model fer women in sports and sports management. She the first female team owner in Indy history. That means she's slicker than a chased greased hog, both on the track and in the office! I respect that!

So there go! Them is my picks. The truth is I'd be happy if any of these drivers win and end up in the winner's circle drinkin' that thar pint of milk. That's right, for those of you what don't know, the winner ends up drinkin' milk and hosed down with champagne, which is my opinion, is just one more reason why Danica Patrick should win! Know what I mean? I think you do!

All the best,
- Judd Jugmonger

PS. Just want you folks to know, all joshin' aside, that I think Danica Patrick really is one heck of a driver. She is both faster than greased lightnin' and cuter than a speckled pup in a red wagon. I salute her!
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Fer all y'all what want to learn somethin' about racin', I recommend these fine titles. Lots a words and even some pictures, too!