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| - Not Me - |
Howdy folks and kin,
Surprise! I'm back and it looks like I'm back for a new year, so I reckon that there's good! I hope all y'alls holidays were gastronomical. I know mine were on account of my britches are too tight again and I'm back to wearin' my suspenders 'in loo' of my belt ... which seems to have shrunk some. Also, can you spell GERD? I can.
I know I ain't been around much, and thanks to all y'all what sent me some emails sayin' "boy, where the heck you been?" Well, I'll tell you folks, I had to go off and do me some real thinkin' on what's important to me in life and to get me some good ideas on what to do to overcome this here economic repression we've been havin'. To tell you the truth though, after doin' much thinkin' ans scratchin' my noggin' I still ain't got no answer!
Still, as much as I love writin' and talkin' and goin' on 'bout this that and whatnot, the truth is I ain't got a pot a piss in ... and so I had to get me a real job! My food ran out and I was so hungry and I was fartin' cobwebs! That's right!
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| - Not Me - |
The only thing is that good jobs these days are scarcer than hen's teeth! I asked around some over at the Jobline
, and I got some lines on some occupational hazards. Of the slim pickin's what were out there, here are some job offers what I turned down:
, and I got some lines on some occupational hazards. Of the slim pickin's what were out there, here are some job offers what I turned down:- Short bus driver for them New York Jets: - pretty boy QB Mark Sanchez got the job.
- Grand Marshall for the King Orange Jamboree Parade: y'all seen the Orange Bowl lately? I ain't.
- Turd wrangler for FPL's Turkey Point Nuclear Power Plant: I may be wrong but I just don't think that atomic energy and outhouses mix well.
- Porn star: - I didn't mind droppin' my pants none, but them folks wanted me to take my socks off!
- Speech writer for Michelle Bachmann: - I'm a coffee drinkin' man, and writin' gaffes ain't my cup of tea. Anyway, I think Sarah Palin's a lot hotter to look at, if y'all ask me, which of course, y'all didn't.
- Rebar inspector for that there new Marlin's baseball stadium: - my Spanish ain't so good and I ain't partial to wearin' no blindfolds none.
Truth is there just ain't much call for an NFL prognosticator, songwriter, philosophisor or BBQ
taster in these parts. So I ended up havin' to compromise my artistic endeavors and set out on my own, takin' a job as a busker ... incognito, of course. Even my 'sweety deety' Jolene, what went to stay by her folks for a spell, was a wonderin' where I was at ... on account of our snooty neighbor, Wayne King, called her folks complainin' 'bout the smell of our outhouse.
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| - Not Me - |
Now before y'all ask, no, I didn't do no panhandlin' 'Naked Cowboy' deal, especially as my britches ain't much to look at. But I did do me some acoustic chicken pickin' and sang me the blues some. Some threw some pennies and some threw some dimes. One woman threw me her bloomers, but I suspect from their contents, she was just done a usin' them. I doubt it was a commentary on my singin' voice none.
For a spell I even fancied myself a freight train hobo like Woody Guthrie. I went lookin' for the old FEC Princeton train station near West Dixie, before someone was kind enough to tell me they done moved it around some and then tore up them FEC tracks! He was kind enough to give me ride over to A.D. Barnes Park, but I didn't see too much happenin' there neither. Eventually, some Tom Fool Julio came over and asked me if I was a waitin' on 'the Ludlum Trail' or what. I done figured out the rest, myself. Thankfully, the CSX belt-line is a still runnin', though trust me, limestone ain't as comfortable as anything Amtrak has to offer.
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| - Not Me - |
Anyway, buskin' surely was a humblin' experience. It was one what gave me some new stories to tell and some new ideas for songs to write. So, y'all hang onto your wig hats on account of there's gonna be some new Jugmonger's music comin' down the musical pipeline this year ... just as soon as I can get my harmonicas out of hock.
Ok, my goals for the New Year? Well, I reckon I'd like to get back to doin' some song writin' and performin' with my Hootenanny band. My musical output last year was sorrier than a two-dollar watch. But I did I find out that our band actually made us some money this past year over at CDBaby, so I do want to thank all y'all what bought our album! Thank you kindly and then some!
As for this here blog and writin', well I'm gonna keep it
goin' for a spell. I reckon there'll be lots to talk 'bout what with it bein' a political year and whatnot. I also suspect I'll write some more 'bout football and especially them Fins and their hunt for a new coach and franchise quarterback. And, as I wrote above, I think I'm gonna share some stories with y'all about my adventures on the road from time to time.
By the way, some jokers are goin' off half-coked sayin' this year is a gonna be apocalyptic
and whatnot. Pay them no mind. In fact, y'all can tell them folks bible thumpin' 'end time' chantin' yahoos that Judd Jugmonger (that there's me) says them ideas
are just foolishness. They can 'tell it to
Sweeney' til' the cows come home, for all I care ... I hope.
As for NFL prognosticatin', well, I think I'm gonna hang up that part of my life. That is unless CBS comes a courtin' on account of Bill Cowher comin' down from that high cotton he's a sittin' in just to coach them Dolphins. It was fun and I really liked doin' that there podcast way back when. But it was a lot of work and the truth is that if there ain't no cash at the end of the train tunnel, well then I reckon I need to put my talents and time to better use. Know what I mean? I think y'all do!
My friend and song writin' partner, Jay Schwartz, told me I ought to think 'bout gettin' my 'business interests' in order and stop worryin' 'bout websites and SEO and stuff. "Judd, you have to just focus on the creative side and stop thinking about who's paying attention, or trying to get attention" he done told me. I think he makes a lot sense, especially on account of Google Adsense done blown him off, too!
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| Judd Jugmonger Was Here |
Yes sir, folks, if y'all want to read some really good writin' I suggest y'all check out Jay's Wooly Yarn blog where he does his exfoliatin'. He's got him a goodly way with words, some of them I don't even understand myself, but then that never stopped me from readin' ... or writin'.
Ok, that's it for me. If I got anything interestin' to say 'bout anything, y'all can read it here, so take a gander every now and then. In the meantime, here's some words of wisdom to keep y'all til' next time: "A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain."
Wishing y'all a Happy New Year and steady weather!
- Judd
and hittin' them pads. It's hot out thar, so you can see who is up fer the challenge and who is just up fer tossin' their oatmeal cookies onto the field.
gonna take the field or take his well deserved retirement and a 
endorsement deal? I tell y'all what, I think that purple people eater, of late, oughtsta hang them cleats up. Sure, it's hard to turn down 13 million dollars or so, but I think he could easily make that up in endorsements and what not. I'm sure he's still got the heart and arm to play, but I don't know about his legs none. Of course, he might think about ridin' the bench this year as a back up, and helpin' the team to groom his eventual replacement (Tarvaris Jackson). I think he could learn a thing or two from Chad Pennington over thar in Miami and his work with Chad Henne, what I prognosticate is gonna have a kick ass year this season.
, cause thar is plenty of time for this soap opry to play out. It don't make a sam hill of a difference to ole' Brett if he's in camp or not, though it might to his team if he don't play. Whoever's gonna fill his well worn cleats could use the reps with them receivers.... and I suspect that's what happenin' anyway. Know what I mean? I think y'all do! Them coaches ain't dummies a waitin' fer their cows to come home.
what are bouncin' around in my noggin' as I start takin' notes fer my upcomin' 
goin' on in many parts, how much will they be chargin' them ticket holders fer weekly visits to the Stinker Bowl?
gonna eat over thar in Denver this season? Maybe he oughtsta talk to NY Jets pretty boy Mark Sanchez on how to hit the ground and still come up smilin' pretty fer them photo opportunities?
, what got them Brandon Marshall, Karlos Dansby, bad boy Richie Incognito, as well as a few others, least of all Cameron Wake that youngin' sack gobbler. Now, most folks I know are sayin' them Fins are a sure thing contenders this year, so the big question is: Is someone gonna give Mark Sanchez the number of 
plastic surgeon, or what?
who? 
come marchin' back into the top rankin's of lots and lots of football analysts? Is they is or is they ain't our darlin's no more? How about that thar Dree "call him the breeze" Brees? Is he going to rest on his laurels?
(redcoats!) sponsor the gas money for all the short buses what will be needed to drive home them Cleveland Browns, Arizona Cardinals, St. Louis Rams, and Buffalo Bills on a weekly basis?
? Have they gone back to Boston, or are they in some football rehab like that thar youngin' 
? I ain't heard nary one thang about them, so I reckon that since they got a hall monitor on 
, lots of his personnel have jumped ship. 
games? Do y'all even know what the UFL is? I'm fixin' to do an article in a few days on that thar UFL, heck I might even do a special edition podcast fer them. They sure got them a good team in Florida (them Tuskers) what went 6-0 before losin' the big one. Them Las Vegas Locomotives (4-2) won the Pabst Blue Ribbon. Hey! 
, eh? 
what gits me thinkin' when I'm sittin' in that thar outhouse. Meanwhile, I'm goin' off to do some eatin', I recommend y'all do the same.
