Judd's Burning Questions For The NFL Season

Howdy Folks and Kin,

After a wild performance at a local hootenanny and lots of editin' and mixin' them songs what will be on our "Jugmongers: Live At the Hootenanny" record, I needed to take a few days off to go campin' and to lay around on the beach some. But now I'm back, rested and rarin' fer some pigskin action, so I say to y'all: Happy Football Season! Well almost. Them NFL training camps have started at least. We got some videos on the net with a few first looks of what them players and coaches are up to, as well as lots of footage of them big boys runnin' gassers and hittin' them pads. It's hot out thar, so you can see who is up fer the challenge and who is just up fer tossin' their oatmeal cookies onto the field.

Seems like lots of fans surely do got lots of questions to be answered of course, like is ole' Brett Favre gonna take the field or take his well deserved retirement and a Geritol endorsement deal? I tell y'all what, I think that purple people eater, of late, oughtsta hang them cleats up. Sure, it's hard to turn down 13 million dollars or so, but I think he could easily make that up in endorsements and what not. I'm sure he's still got the heart and arm to play, but I don't know about his legs none. Of course, he might think about ridin' the bench this year as a back up, and helpin' the team to groom his eventual replacement (Tarvaris Jackson). I think he could learn a thing or two from Chad Pennington over thar in Miami and his work with Chad Henne, what I prognosticate is gonna have a kick ass year this season.

Anyway, I hope y'all don't git your drawers in a twist over Brett's decision, cause thar is plenty of time for this soap opry to play out. It don't make a sam hill of a difference to ole' Brett if he's in camp or not, though it might to his team if he don't play. Whoever's gonna fill his well worn cleats could use the reps with them receivers.... and I suspect that's what happenin' anyway. Know what I mean? I think y'all do! Them coaches ain't dummies a waitin' fer their cows to come home.

Meanwhile, I thought I'd share with y'all good folks some other burnin' questions what are bouncin' around in my noggin' as I start takin' notes fer my upcomin' Podcast, Judd Jugmonger's NFL Picks what will kick off with them regular season games.

1. Is thar anyone left over thar on them Arizona Cardinals offense what didn't fly the coop? Seein' as thar's still an economic regression goin' on in many parts, how much will they be chargin' them ticket holders fer weekly visits to the Stinker Bowl?

2. How much dirt is Tim Tebow gonna eat over thar in Denver this season? Maybe he oughtsta talk to NY Jets pretty boy Mark Sanchez on how to hit the ground and still come up smilin' pretty fer them photo opportunities?

3. Speakin' of them NY Jets, they came on a might stronger at the end of the year, but this year they is a gonna have to put up with them division rivals, my Miami Dolphins, what got them Brandon Marshall, Karlos Dansby, bad boy Richie Incognito, as well as a few others, least of all Cameron Wake that youngin' sack gobbler. Now, most folks I know are sayin' them Fins are a sure thing contenders this year, so the big question is: Is someone gonna give Mark Sanchez the number of Dolly Parton's plastic surgeon, or what?

4. And, speakin' of them Dolphins, is Brandon Marshall gonna make them Miami Heat fans say Lebron who?

5. Why haven't them Super Bowl champs, the New Orlean Saints come marchin' back into the top rankin's of lots and lots of football analysts? Is they is or is they ain't our darlin's no more? How about that thar Dree "call him the breeze" Brees? Is he going to rest on his laurels?

6. Can BP (redcoats!) sponsor the gas money for all the short buses what will be needed to drive home them Cleveland Browns, Arizona Cardinals, St. Louis Rams, and Buffalo Bills on a weekly basis?

7. When was the last time any of y'all heard anythin' about them New England Patriots? Have they gone back to Boston, or are they in some football rehab like that thar youngin' Lindsay Logan? I ain't heard nary one thang about them, so I reckon that since they got a hall monitor on Bill Belicheck, lots of his personnel have jumped ship.

8. Are any of y'all gonna watch any of them UFL games? Do y'all even know what the UFL is? I'm fixin' to do an article in a few days on that thar UFL, heck I might even do a special edition podcast fer them. They sure got them a good team in Florida (them Tuskers) what went 6-0 before losin' the big one. Them Las Vegas Locomotives (4-2) won the Pabst Blue Ribbon. Hey! How bout that thar CFL, eh? La peau de porc dedans sur la table! Look that up in your Babel Fish, why don'tcha?

Well that's it fer my burnin' NFL football questions what gits me thinkin' when I'm sittin' in that thar outhouse. Meanwhile, I'm goin' off to do some eatin', I recommend y'all do the same.

All the best,
- Judd Jugmonger
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PS: Here are my readin' recommendations fer all y'all what want to read on some topical oint... uh, issues.

Judd Jugmonger's NFL Super Bowl XLIV Picks

Howdy folks this here is Judd Jugmonger, sittin' in the Katywonkered Cafe'. I thought I'd throw my wooden nickels into the meltin' pot as regards the game a game, the Super Bowl. Since, I got me lots a lots a emails from folks and kin a wantin' me to do some prognosticatin' about the game, so, I thought I'd oblige, as I usually do, seein' as I'm hopin' some all y'all might win some BIG money and give me a little something fer my tipjar.

So who's a gonna win the Pabst Blue Ribbon down thar in Miami? I tell you what I'm torn on this one. If I was to go with my guts, I'd say Peyton Manning will be hard to beat. He's a gonna git all fired up and when that happens, well, he'll be a lookin' to make things happen and ain't gonna stand for no what not. These are games fer him when he starts pullin' badgers from hats and makin' monkeys fly from his detractors butts, if you know what mean, and I think you do.

So fer most prognosticators or predictors, that there is the big problem: just as no one like arguin' with a fence post - no one likes to pick against Peyton Manning, when a championship game in on the Wichita lineman.

All right, well, I reckon the only problem is for him to win the BIG one is that he's gotsta have to some folks to throw to, and I suspect his recievin' corps are feelin' poorly. Their wings ain't clipped, but if and their gonna have to shoot and score on every possession well they're just a gonna be all plum tuckered out come the end of the game. And, that folks is a problem fer Peyton. He might end up busier than a cat coverin' crap on a marble floor.

Now, I think them Saints, "all around the round house", have just got themselves a better offense. And, uh, yeah don't ferget they got themselves Drew "call him the breeze" Brees, too. If anyone a y'all thinks he's a gonna just stand a there like a bump on the log, well then you are one can short of a six-pack and will probably end up ridin' the short bus home from the stadium.

To make matters worse fer them Indianapolis boys, I think them New Orleans boys got them some better game planners overall. I also suspect they got them some of that "Louisi-anna" Mojo with them ... though I suspect that ole' Archie Manning passed some on down to Peyton .... Lord, Peyton sure does got him some Mojo sometimes, don't he? But then, so does Drew Brees - he just ain't made a career of gittin' it workin' as flashy as Peyton has.

What about the rest of them Colts? Were some say they got themselves the better defense. I reckon so, but I also suspect they're not runnin' on a full tank a gas, just like theirs receiving corps. Now, it don't take a rocket scientist to know that when ya put them up against a Saints' offense that in the regular season was number 1 in points scored and yards gained, and yeah, throw Drew Brees in there, too - and ya'll git a Saints win.... on the papers. Though, it's those papers, Peyton will be itchin' to take to the outhouse.

I also say that "all things been equalized" this game might be won on special teams or on turnovers. If that's so, I say them Saints also got the edge. If the game is to be won on field goals in over time, it might just go to them Colts, but I reckon this ain't gonna happen.

So I'm a gonna go with my brains on this one .... so take them Saints over them Colts. I even spun me my little pigskin and it pointed to ... well its still spinnin' ... but seems to be tippin' over to them Saints. Yet, I'm writin' this here prognostication with a bit of cringe cause I know ole' Peyton's might just gonna give me a whoopin' some! So all y'all Saints fans, don't count your chickies before they hatch!
Now some of a y'all might just say, "Judd? Why don't just stick to your guts and go with them Colts?" Well the scietifically answer is that my guts will be full a Super Bowl Sunday BBQ Ribs, Hot Chicken Wings (extra tabascey sauce) and maybe even some Gumbo". So seein' as my guts will be satisfied, they won't mind my brains doin' the talkin'. So that's that.

Ok. so this here is Judd Jugmonger signin' off from the Katywonkered Cafe' with some words a wisdom: You can beat an egg, and you can beat a drum ... but if you beat your grits, y'all are gonna lose some!

All the best,
- Judd Jugmonger

PS. Next week I hope to debut my new "picks" podcast with music, more prognosticatin', my insights into current worldly affairs (especially regardin' the economic regression", cookin' tips and plenty of down home fun. Just a waitin' fer a bit more cash fer a new "pop filter". So all a y'all what will be winnin' big with my either my guts' or my brains' Super Bowl prognostications, don't ferget to git on over to my website, and put some in the tip jar. It's: http://www.jugmongers.com/ - that's Jugmongers with a "J". You can even git yourself a "Jugmonger Swag T-Shirt" if y'all want!

PPS. Hey! How about that Danica Patrick! She done well and come in 6th!