LeBron James: Decisions, Decisions, Decisions!

Howdy folks and kin,

Thar's still a few more weeks to go before NFL training camp gets goin' fer most teams, and life gets back to normal. In the meantime, we all still gotsta put up with them other sports and the news of the day. Thar's no end to news and in many ways thar's no end to them sports. Combine the two and we got us some sports news, just like that! And, today, thar ain't no bigger story than thar thar decision what LeBron James has to make.

Yes, as I'm writing this, the world is waitin' and chewin' the fat over them NBA basketball boy's free agency goin'-ons. Everyone is sittin' aroung makin' bets on where all-star LeBron James, what last year played fer them Cleveland Cavaliers, is a gonna end up. The media is makin' the most of his decision and I hear that ESPN has made a decision that they is a gonna cover his decision by organizing a 60-minute special called ... "the decision". Heck, I make lots of decisions every day, but no one has ever made a TV special about them!

Now, I can understand why LeBron wants to leave Cleveland, and it ain't got nothin to do with basketball! I reckon he wants to get as far from them Cleveland Browns (NFL) what were 5 and 11 last year, and played in more than a few "stinker bowls", if y'all know what I mean and I think y'all do. They managed to win them the last 4 games, but if y'all do the math, and I did, that means that fer most of the season they was 1 and 11. That performanace smells worse than July 4th potato salad what someone left out in the sun and found a few weeks later.

In Miami, where I hail from, they still got them that thar Dwayne Wade and a new youngin' Chris Bosh to heat up them courts. They is a hopin' that their pal LeBron is a gonna join them. I reckon they want to make them a regular NBA power house. At least that's how the logic goes. But I reckon, thar's a bit more to this here story. So I'm gonna entertain y'all with some of my ideas. Here goes:

1) Joinin' the Miami Heat makers sense because Lebron, Dawyne and Chris will form a different kind of a powerhouse - a party powerhouse! They might be a hopin' they'll be able to get together quicker and party it up a might better in them South Beach clubs. The way I see it, it's important for folks to have a life away from their work. So that's just one reason why LeBron goin' to Miami makes sense.

2) Miami ain't got none of that thar BP (Red Coats!) oil a washin' up on it's shores yet, like they got over thar in Pensacola. Goin' to the beach is always a factor in any decision makin'.

3) Another reason goin' to Miami makes sense is that LeBron might want to take a walk at thar thar Orange Carpet what they layout fer them celebrities what go to see them Miami Dolphin's games. The Orange Carpet gets a rolled out over at Joe Robbie Stadium ... uh ... I mean Sun Life Stadium, formerly Pro Player Park, formerly Pro Player Stadium, formerly Dolphin Stadium, formerly Dolphins Stadium, and formerly and most recently, Land Shark Stadium. That stadium changes names more often than some folks I know change their drawers!

It's a big stadium though, much bigger than what used to have. You see, in them old days, before baseball, hockey and basketball came to Miami, we just had us the Orange Bowl, what was long on character and history, but short on bathrooms. It didn't even have 1 outhouse, not even the modern kind! Sun Life Stadium has got plenty of bathrooms. It's also got a Papa John's Pizza there. So maybe that's just a couple more reasons, why LeBron James might end up playin' fer the Miami Heat.

Here are some of the names of folks what walked down that thar Orange Carpet: Jennifer Lopez, Fergie (not the British one), Serena and Venus William, Gloria Estefan, Don Shula, Marc Anthony, Robin Givens, T-Pain, Judd Jugmonger, etc. Aw heck folks, I'm just joshin'; you know did never did walk down no orange carpet, 'cept fer the one I got laid out in my outhouse!

6) In Miami, come New Year's Day, we got us the King Orange Jamboree Parade (a.k.a. the Orange Bowl Parade). Maybe Lebron wants to march in it with Obie, the King Orange.

5) Now most folks know that LeBron is an Ohio boy, and that's where his heart is, even though them Cleveland Brown is surely makin' that diffcult. But stayin' in Ohio and not winin' a title ain't good for his "brand". Y'all know what is a "brand" is folks? That's what really makes them sports players lots of money, sellin' their name like Gucci, Pierre Cardin, Col. Sanders and them others. Now LeBron James has got himself some good records and the respect of his peers and fans, but that boy needs an NBA Title and he needs him one quick! So goin' to Miami makes sense fer a while. He can always go back to Ohio a bit later to retire, title in one hand and cash in the other.

6) Speakin' of cash, I heard that LeBron might be walkin away from about 30 million "contract" dollars if he comes to Miami. That thar is a lot money what can I buy a few Telecasters! On the other hand, in Florida, we ain't got no state Income Tax, so that has to figure some in the decision pot. Just another reason why comin' to Miami is startin' to look good.

7) During the NFL season, I got me a podcast what I give my prognostications on who's a gonna win what games and what not. I got me a little pigskin what I spin sometimes when there's good matchup of teams. Well, I spun me my little pigskin and it pointed to them Heat over them Clippers, Bulls and Cavaliers. So that's that. It's time fer LeBron to get off that that decision pot.

So there y'all have it folks, them is my reasons why LeBron James will end up playin' for them Miami Heat. If I'm right, and them Miami Heat end up with a powerhouse, lots of y'all might end up winnin' big time with some bets. When y'all do, don't ferget me, the one made it all happen!

All the best,
- Judd Jugmonger
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For all yall what don't know diddly squat about basketball, here's some readin' to help y'all out:

Soccer: A Poor Folk's Sport

Howdy Folks & Kin,

Today is the kick off for that thar FIFA WORLD CUP. No, I ain't talkin' bout poodles and tea drinkers here. I'm talkin' 'bout soccer, also known in some parts as football ... but not our football, as in NFL or College football.

Now, fer all y'all what might be askin' "Judd? Why is it that that thar soccer is so popular all over the world?" I think I might got a few answers. See, soccer is sort of the poor man's sport. And, as we all know, especially in these days of economic regression, there's lots of poor folks around, what ain't able to buy no equipment to play them other games what are so popular here in the USA.

Heck folks, just think of all them times when y'all were youngins and were wantin' to play some sport but couldn't make hay with what y'all got or didn't got. Remember them times? Here's an example: didn't y'all even have a youngin', what no doubt rode in to school on the short bus, what brought a basketball to school what ain't got no court, and ipso facto no net? Didn't y'all take that thar ball away from that red haired boy and put it on the ground what to play soccer with? I reckon, y'all did!

So lots a folks, the world over can relate to soccer, especially for economical reasons. How many of y'all what lost your jobs ended up kickin' a can on the way down to pick up your unemployment checks? Obviously, if y'all are gettin' unemployment checks, y'all can't afford the equipment for them other sports! If ya don't beleive me, go ahead and ask Cousin Judith, with them youngins, just how far them food stamps go! Heck I don't even think they cover duct tape! So, when y'all think of it, most of them really popular sports, what we got here in the USA, cost way too much to play for many folks or youngins on account of all them equipment and what not, what would be needed. Here's a few examples fer y'all:

HOCKEY:
Ice skates, sticks, pads, pucks and lots of electric fer them freezers what got make them ice cubes y'all gots to push together to make a playin' surrface. And, if any of y'all git hit in the face with that thar puck, y'all are gonna pay more than a pretty penny and a wooden nickel to them dentists and plastic surgeons! Heck, I ain't even gonna mention the cost of them Zambonis!

BASEBALL:
Y'all need bats, assorted gloves, bases, chewin' tobacco, and lots of balls on account of some fool what is always a knockin' them out of the park! Now don't get me wrong, I love baseball, but by the time y'all figure out who's gonna go fetch that thar ball what got the stuffin' knocked out of it or who is gonna pay fer that thar windshield what got cracked ... well, everyone just gets hungry and just goes home and eats.

Another problem with baseball is that it's also the one game what got infiltrated by them slick as an eel BIG BUSINESS tobacco folks what said that real baseball players must chew tobacco and tug at their crotches! That thar chewin' tobacco got so popular that them BIG BUSINESS pharmaceutical companies got jealous and said that real baseball players have to take them expensive steroids! Let's face it folks, the game has become not only just too expensive to play, but also bad fer them youngin's health! BIG BUSINESS had ruined this game fer most.

BASKETBALL:
Them youngin's need a net and expensive sneakers to jump high with. Them flip flops just ain't no good fer jumpin' on. Havin' them expensive sneakers is important and they had better got some star athlete's endorsement on them and a price tag of more than 200 hundred dollars, or they is a gonna wind up hangin' from some electric wires! Now, if them youngins can't afford them expensive sneakers, how in the world are they a gonna be able to afford them growth hormones to keep up with them other genetically tall youngins? Again, this is another case where them drug peddlin' BIG BUSINESS folks ruined the game.

GOLF:
Balls, tees, assorted clubs, grounds keepers, golf carts, ball washers and expensive fashion wear. Heck, you even have to pay some folks, them caddies, what to hold your balls! I sort of pass on that thar idea fer both economical and personal reasons, if y'all know what I mean ... and I think y'all do! And, what about all them alimony payments ole' Tiger Woods is a gonna have to pay fer playin' in them sand traps?

FOOTBALL:
Y'all know what I'm talkin' about here! The price of them pigskins and that thar Gatorade is on the rise! The good news, however, is that pads are optional, and so is them goal posts. And, if y'all can't afford a pigskin, then a rolled up sweater will do. Trust me, that that works! See, in Miami, where I hail from, there was always one youngin' at school, what didn't got no athletic genes anyway and whose mama made him take a sweater on account of she was fearful that them air conditioners would give her youngin' a crick in his neck. That thar youngin', what didn't got the good sense God gave a billy goat on a good day, didn't need to be wearnin' no sweater in 100 degrees South Florida temperatures. So, we was doin' him a favor by usin' his sweater in the first place! Of course, he had to explain to his mama why his sweater had gone missin' and why his sneakers were hangin' from them electric wires at the school house. Maybe some psychotherapy was needed, I don't know. But, I reckon that that thar is another story altogether.

So let's be honest folks, to play soccer you don't need much, just a ball, a can, a cabbage head or a even a rolled up sweater. And, that's why soccer is a poor man's sport, and, an international favorite!

All the best,
- Judd Jugmonger

PS. If y'all are like me, I'm gonna keep an eye out or two on that thar FIFA World Cup as I enjoy my buffalo wings, on account of our boys are considered strong underdogs. I hope you'll be rootin' and tootin' fer them as well as they take on them Tea Drinkers from over across that thar big pong. Them red coats deserve a poundin' fer what their BIG BUSINESS oil folks (BP) did to our Gulf Coast! So I say, take it to them boys and kick that thar soccer ball at them where the sun don't shine! It's payback time, folks!


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Fer all y'all what got your sweaters taken away from you as youngins, here's some readin' I recommend: