We're still a few weeks away NFL football season, and I sure hope we make it till then! Y'all wanna know why I say that? On account of all sorts of what not I've been readin' about here on the internet what's got me as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rockin' chairs.
I mean, folks we got us some earthquakes in Maryland of all places, and if y'all don't think that thar's got nothin' to do with that thar BP (redcoats!) oil spill foolishness in the Gulf, then y'all are one can short of a six-pack! Now I don't like to be no doomsday sayer, but I think some of them worrisome worried folks
might have an idea or two, and maybe we oughtsta give them a listen.So today, I aim to learn y'all somethin' what I know lots about, and that thar is methane gas
. I suspect from the smell of things in some parts, some of y'all know somethin' about this, too. Know what I mean? I think y'all do! I'm also gonna talk about what's called "Ryskin's methane extinction theory". That thar is Ryskin, with an "R", not pigskin, with a "P".Now, this ole Jugmonger ain't no conspiracy monger, but I hear that some scientist fellers were able to sneak out some research results from under the honkers of them BP red coated James Bond types what must surely be clampin' down on this news better than they done clamped down on that thar gushin' oil!
It seems that them BP redcoats drilled down so many miles into a geologically unstable region that they may have uncorked the release of a mega methane-bubble
. I'm not talkin' about no can of baked beans variety of methane-bubble or even or pasture full of cow methane-bubbles. I'm talkin' some gas passin' so deadly, it will wipe us off this planet fer good!Now folks, there is some science behind this and a bit of history, as well. It seems that like 250 million years ago a similar methane-bubble
stunk up the outhouse but good, if y'all pardon the expression. This wasn't no ordinary passin' gas in the bathtub kind of bubble. No sir, this was a killer! That methane bubble rose from the ocean floor, and when it broke the surface it took out like more than 95% of all life on the planet! If ya don't believe me, then look up what's called the "Permian Extinction" event. They should've spelled it the X-STINK-TION, if y'all ask me, but I ain't no lingualist.But I tell y'all what, that wasn't the only event of that stinky nature. 55 million years later, the ocean laid another stink bomb what caused more mass extinctions. That thar was called the Late Paleocene Thermal Maximum (LPTM). That maximum stinker lasted 100,000 years, and brought about all sorts of global warmin'
and what not.Now folks, guess where them killer fart bubbles burst from? If ya'll said the Persian Gulf
, y'all would be wrong. But, if ya'll answered the Gulf of Mexico
, then y'all would be right! If y'all are that smart then y'all don't need no rocket scientists to put one 1 and 1 together to tell us we may be in a heap of stinky touble: the fartin' bubble, bubble, toil and trouble kind of trouble! More trouble than all them cows collected together might cause.
, y'all would be wrong. But, if ya'll answered the Gulf of Mexico, then y'all would be right! If y'all are that smart then y'all don't need no rocket scientists to put one 1 and 1 together to tell us we may be in a heap of stinky touble: the fartin' bubble, bubble, toil and trouble kind of trouble! More trouble than all them cows collected together might cause. 
Now I mentioned them earthquakes
near them Baltimore Ravens home. Well trust me, them earth shakers ain't got nothin' to do with them Raven's quarterback corps, least of all former Miami Dolphins quarterback John Beck! Nope. What they might got to do with is a rise in the seafloor causin' large vents what might let that mega-methane bubble slip! Now whether it happen's on this side or that side of Florida
, it still means the same thing: my outhouse is gonna smell a lot rosier than them great outdoors!
near them Baltimore Ravens home. Well trust me, them earth shakers ain't got nothin' to do with them Raven's quarterback corps, least of all former Miami Dolphins quarterback John Beck! Nope. What they might got to do with is a rise in the seafloor causin' large vents what might let that mega-methane bubble slip! Now whether it happen's on this side or that side of Florida, it still means the same thing: my outhouse is gonna smell a lot rosier than them great outdoors!So folks, I want y'all to check out this link and let me know what y'all stink ... I mean think. http://www.helium.com/items/1882339-doomsday-how-bp-gulf-disaster-may-have-triggered-a-world-killing-event
In the meantime, I'm gonna sit in my outhouse and practice holdin' my nose. I suggest y'all do the same. In the worst case scenario though, I'm gonna get on down to the Pigly Wiggly and get me some cans of them BBQ baked beans
. Heck, I reckon if ya can't lick 'em, you may as well join 'em!All the best,
- Judd Jugmonger
PS. Here's some books what might help us all, just in case.
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training camp gets goin' fer most teams, and life gets back to normal. In the meantime, we all still gotsta put up with them other sports and the news of the day. Thar's no end to news and in many ways thar's no end to them sports. Combine the two and we got us some sports news, just like that! And, today, thar ain't no bigger story than thar thar decision what 
has to make.
boy's free agency goin'-ons. Everyone is sittin' aroung makin' bets on where all-star LeBron James, what last year played fer them Cleveland Cavaliers, is a gonna end up. The media is makin' the most of his decision and I hear that ESPN has made a decision that they is a gonna cover his decision by organizing a 60-minute special called ... "the decision". Heck, I make lots of decisions every day, but no one has ever made a 
about them!
(NFL) what were 5 and 11 last year, and played in more than a few "stinker bowls", if y'all know what I mean and I think y'all do. They managed to win them the last 4 games, but if y'all do the math, and I did, that means that fer most of the season they was 1 and 11. That performanace smells worse than July 4th 
what someone left out in the sun and found a few weeks later. 
and a new youngin' Chris Bosh to heat up them courts. They is a hopin' that their pal LeBron is a gonna join them. I reckon they want to make them a regular NBA power house. At least that's how the logic goes. But I reckon, thar's a bit more to this here story. So I'm gonna entertain y'all with some of my ideas. Here goes:
, Dawyne and Chris will form a different kind of a powerhouse - a party powerhouse! They might be a hopin' they'll be able to get together quicker and party it up a might better in them South Beach clubs. The way I see it, it's important for folks to have a life away from their work. So that's just one reason why 
goin' to Miami makes sense.
a washin' up on it's shores yet, like they got over thar in Pensacola. Goin' to the beach is always a factor in any decision makin'.
games. The Orange Carpet gets a rolled out over at Joe Robbie Stadium ... uh ... I mean Sun Life Stadium, formerly Pro Player Park, formerly Pro Player Stadium, formerly Dolphin Stadium, formerly Dolphins Stadium, and formerly and most recently, Land Shark Stadium. That stadium changes names more often than some folks I know change their drawers! 
, what was long on character and 
, but short on bathrooms. It didn't even have 1 outhouse, not even the modern kind! Sun Life Stadium has got plenty of bathrooms. It's also got a 
, Marc Anthony, Robin Givens, T-Pain, Judd Jugmonger, etc. Aw heck folks, I'm just joshin'; you know did never did walk down no orange carpet, 'cept fer the one I got laid out in my outhouse!
boy, and that's where his heart is, even though them Cleveland Brown is surely makin' that diffcult. But stayin' in 
and not winin' a title ain't good for his "brand". Y'all know what is a "brand" is folks? That's what really makes them sports players lots of money, sellin' their name like Gucci, Pierre Cardin, 
and them others. Now LeBron James has got himself some good records and the respect of his peers and fans, but that boy needs an NBA Title and he needs him one quick! So goin' to 
makes sense fer a while. He can always go back to Ohio a bit later to retire, title in one hand and cash in the other.
might be walkin away from about 30 million "contract" dollars if he comes to Miami. That thar is a lot money what can I buy a few 
! On the other hand, in Florida, we ain't got no state 
, so that has to figure some in the decision pot. Just another reason why comin' to Miami is startin' to look good.
to get off that that decision pot.
will end up playin' for them Miami Heat. If I'm right, and them Miami Heat end up with a powerhouse, lots of y'all might end up winnin' big time with some bets. When y'all do, don't ferget me, the one made it all happen!
