Time to Exfoliate The Oil Industry

Howdy folks and kin! Last Thursday, April 22nd, was the NFL Draft, but it was also "Earth Day" which is a day set aside to make good folks think about and appreciate the Earth's environment. This year a newsworthy and astounding event marked this special occasion. No it's wasn't only the fact that Tim Tebow was picked in the first round of the draft, it was that a big ole' stupid Oil Rig what was diggin' fer "Black Gold" right smack dab in the middle of my Gulf Of Mexico, blew up and sank, and most likely sent 11 poor souls to an oily watery grave. Them news folk now say that thar oil rig is leakin' over 1000 barrels of oil a day or more! Meanwhile, over thar on Capitol Hill, there are several offshore drilling proposals in Congress, and it seems that our President Obama might be willin' to say "yes" to them. That means more drillin' fer oil in our backyard waters... and lots more ecological disasters on the way.

Now folks, ain't all y'all sick and tired of givin' your hard earned money away to "Big Business" and them blasted "Oil Tycoons"both here and over thar in the Middle East? Aren't y'all sick and tired of lettin' them ruin our world and makin' us say "thank you fer it" and "please give us more"? It don't take a rocket scientist to know we is payin' fer our planet's and our own demises at the hand them slick oily fellers. And fer what? A better standard of livin' or a better quality of life? No sir and no ma'am! It's all fer the sake of gettin' them oily folks richer by makin' profits off a our planet, our air, food and water, as well as our own ever increasin' misery! That's right, I said "misery", spelt M-I-S-E-R-Y. Why "misery"? Well folks, I tell y'all what, I wish I was more elegant a writer to intellectually express my views on why we should say "NO!" to oil and start lookin' fer other energy sources. But I can only share with all y'all some of my miseryin' ... especially since, well y'all know, misery loves company! So here it goes:

- I'm sick and tired of breathin' polluted air and havin' to wipe soot and grime off a my guitars, especially my new Telecaster.

- I'm sick and tired of goin' to the beach and comin' home with tar on my feet and drippin' out of my swimmin' trunks, lookin' like I was too lazy to git to the outhouse in time.


- I'm sick and tired of seein' our coastal waters and our fishin' habitats filled with oily sludge. My heart breaks fer all a them little fishies what can't breathe oil. Y'all know what that's like? If not, go stick all a y'alls heads in a bowl of hair gel. Stay there and try breathin' fer five minutes. Y'all will wise up real quick like.

- I'm sick and tired of risin' temperatures outside cause a all a that thar tar and asphalt what we got laid down fer drivin' and parkin' our fancy cars on. We cain't even walk barefoot in our cities no more, cause account of the dang heat!

- I'm sick and tired of hearin' a never endin' processional of cars goin' by my front porch. You try pickin' the "Wildwood Flower" with horns a blastin'! Don't git me wrong, I love NASCAR, but I don't want to hear it outside my window night and day.

- I'm sick and tired of payin' fer gas.... not just the rising price of gas ... gas PERIOD. I heard that over the years there may have been lots of ideas to help git us off our dependency on oil and havin' to pay fer gas. But them Oil Company folk sure made sure that none of these idears never saw the blessed light of day. I heard of this one feller, what ran out of gas on the highway, and he tried breakin' wind in his gas tank. Well along came them Highway Patrol Troopers and, sure enough, they locked him up real quick. I guess they is in cahoots with them Oil folks, too.

- I'm sick and tired of hearin' how cancers is on the rise due to air, water and soil pollution. Guess what's blame? It ain't Olive Oil. Know what I mean? I think you do. I gots me lots a inflammation, and I think it's a because of oil.

- I'm sick and tired of payin' taxes for BIG BUSINESS bailouts for oil interests what are usin' that thar money to make oil fer car gas ... just so we can give them some more money fer it! Why should I pay fer someone else to do his business, when I ain't got no money to do my own!

- I'm sick and tired of feelin' like I been made a fool of by government officials what care more about Oil Business lobbyists than me! Them politicians and revenuers git them free gourmet fancy lunches at them swanky restaurants while I'm here tryin' make ends meet by eatin' cans a lima beans! It ain't fair!

Now thar are lots a folks what git all nervous when folks like me start talkin' about "No More Oil". I reckon they is scared what someone's gonna tell them they cain't drive their Hummers and Lamberginees no more or use some of that thar Vaseline with that someone special. These are them folks what say things like "Everything we use is somehow connected to petroleum". Well, if that thar is the truth, don't y'all reckon that thar is a BIG problem? Now either these folks are gittin' their salaries paid by them Oily folks, or they is just brain washed by them BIG BUSINESS types who sound all slick like on the Radio and TV. Personally, I ain't impressed too much by a $1000 polyester suit and some straightened pearly whites, even if they ain't dentures. Or maybe these folks are just haters what could start an argument in an empty house. If brains were leather, these folks wouldn’t have enough to saddle a junebug ... and that's the sad truth.

Another truth is that we is all as dumb as a stump fer allowin' this "what not" to go on for as long as it has. So I say give Mother Nature some lovin' and give them Oily Tycoons the boot before they kill us all!

If y'all have had enough, too, and want to say NO MORE OIL once and fer all, send the message to your local revenuer. Here's some internet links what might help you and us all out:

Send a Message to our President Obama:
http://www.whitehouse.gov/contact

Or you can do it here through "350.org". They is some nice folks.
http://action.350.org/p/dia/action/public/?action_KEY=2785

Al Gore likes this website, and so do I!
http://www.repoweramerica.com/

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If y'all want to learn more about the oil industry, our planet and what not, check  out these books.

Judd Jugmonger's NFL Draft Picks - 2010

Howdy folks and kin! Come this Thursday, April 22, 2010, it's draft for the NFL! So I put together an update for my podcast, Judd Jugmonger's NFL Picks, for all a y'all to hear my picks. Y'all can hear the  podcast on I-Tunes or download it by using the link at the right what says "MP3". As usual, for all a y'all what don't like my voice none, I've posted the transcript below for y'all to read and enjoy. Happy Draft Day!

Judd Jugmonger's NFL Mock Draft Picks - 2010
Pick 1: St. Louis Rams (1-15):	Sam Bradford, QB, Oklahoma
Pick 2: Detroit Lions (2-14):	Ndamukong Suh, DT, Nebraska
Pick 3: Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-13):	Gerald McCoy, DT, Oklahoma
Pick 4: Washington Redskins (4-12):	Russell Okung, OT, Oklahoma State
Pick 5: Kansas City Chiefs (4-12):	Eric Berry, S/CB, Tennessee
Pick 6: Seattle Seahawks (5-11):	Trent Williams, OT, Oklahoma
Pick 7: Cleveland Browns (5-11):	Earl Thomas, S/CB, Texas
Pick 8: Oakland Raiders (5-11):	Bruce Campbell, OT, Maryland
Pick 9: Buffalo Bills (6-10):	Bryan Bulaga, OT, Iowa
Pick 10: Jacksonville Jaguars (7-9):):	Derrick Morgan, DE Georgia Tech
Pick 11: Denver Broncos (7-9):	Dez Bryant, WR, Oklahoma State
Pick 12: Miami Dolphins (7-9):	Sergio Kindle, DE/LB, Texas
Pick 13: San Francisco (8-8):	Joe Haden, CB, Florida
Pick 14: Seattle Seahawks (8-8):	C.J. Spiller, RB, Clemson
Pick 15: New York Giants (8-8):	Rolando McClain, LB, Alabama
Pick 16: Tennessee Titans (8-8):	Jason Pierre-Paul, DE, South Florida
Pick 17: San Francisco 49ers (8-8):	Mike Iupati, OT/OG, Idaho
Pick 18: Pittsburgh Steelers (9-7):	Anthony Davis, OT, Rutgers
Pick 19: Atlanta Falcons (9-7):	Brandon Graham, DE Michigan
Pick 20: Houston Texans (9-7):	Kyle Wilson, CB Boise State
Pick 21: Cincinnati Bengals (10-6):	Jermaine Gresham, TE, Oklahoma
Pick 22: New England Patriots (10-6):	Jared Odrick, DT/DE, Penn State
Pick 23: Green Bay Packers (11-5):	Taylor Mays, S, USC
Pick 24: Philadelphia Eagles (11-5):	Maurkice Pouncey, C/G, Florida
Pick 25: Baltimore Ravens (9-7):	Demaryius Thomas, WR Georgia Tech
Pick 26: Arizona Cardinals (10-6):	Sean Weatherspoon, LB, Missouri
Pick 27: Dallas Cowboys (11-5):	Charles Brown, OT USC
Pick 28: San Diego Chargers (13-3):	Ryan Mathews, RB, Fresno State
Pick 29: New York Jets (9-7):	Roger Saffold OT/OG, Indiana
Pick 30: Minnesota Vikings (12-4):	Jimmy Clausen, QB, Notre Dame
Pick 31: Indianapolis Colts (14-2):	Dan Williams, DT, Tennessee
Pick 32: New Orleans (13-3):	Everson Griffen, DE, USC

---------- Begin Podcast Transcript ----------

Well, howdy folks and kin! This here is Judd Jugmonger, live from the Katywonkered Cafe'. Now in case any a y'all just come in from a Chamomile Tea Party somewhere, this week is NFL Draft Week. THE NFL, - that thar is the National Football League, where some highly educated youngins are gonna git some BIG money before they even done squat. Now, of course this week, come Thursday, is when all them fans start countin' their little chickies before they hatch ... a hopin' their teams are a gonna take draft picks what's gonna make their team gooderer then grits ... and not one can short of a six-pack. Know what I mean? I think you do.

All right, now since everyone is sittin' around chewin' this here fat - I thought I, a professional prognosticator, would give y'all my picks, uh sort of a mock draft of sorts, to let y'all know what I think about this and what not and what's a gonna go down, come the first round of selections on Draft Day ... and why. You know my sweety deety Jolene, always asks me "Judd, why they done that"... so I'm gonna sit here and explain it to y'all. Ok, so we got us 32 picks so let's get on it cause everyone wants to know if QB Tim Tebow is a gonna git snatched up quick or if and that thar QB Jimmy Clausen is gonna do the "Brady Quinn slide" and end up lookin' like Jimmy Olsen of the Daily Planet? Oh the excitement! I'm about as tickled as a bluegrass cat what found some catnip.

Pick 1: St. Louis Rams (1-15): Sam Bradford, QB, Oklahoma
All right, the clock is on them poor poor pitiful, St. Louis Rams... poor Rams. They was 1 and 15 last season, and played in more "Stinker Bowls" than I can count on 4 feet. To retool, they need them a quarterback, well in fact, they need just about a new everybody, but QB is where they need to start. Now I reckon that everyone agrees that Sam Bradford, out of Oklahoma is the best QB in the draft, so I think them boys from St. Louis will go with him. But you never know with them "poor Rams" cause over the years they done missed out on draftin' QBs like Matt Ryan, Joe Flacco, Chad Henne and even pretty boy Mark Sanchez, last year. So unless, they is one frame short of a full roll, and want to send the team back to Los Angeles they'll go with Bradford. Who knows they might even take Tebow!

Pick 2: Detroit Lions (2-14): Ndamukong Suh, DT, Nebraska
All right next is them 2 and 14 Detroit Lions. Now as far as I see it them kitties can do one of two things: take the pick or leave it trade down fer some other picks and get more value for this here pick. But I tell you what, I think a bird in the hand is more than 2 in bush so I think there gonna keep it. Problem is they could user either an OT or a DT ... decisions decisions decisions... seein' as they were doggone last defense that's a good place to start. So I think they'll go with Ndamukong Suh, uh Mr. SUH, that thar DT out of Nebraska. And, uh seein' as Tebow won't take kindly to playin' tackle on either sides of the offence - that ain't gonna happen.

Pick 3: Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-13): Gerald McCoy, DT, Oklahoma
Ok, next up is them Tampa Bay Buccaneers what swam with the fishes fer a lot a last year and you know how bad rotten fish stinks. Well, seein' as last year they finally got themselves a QB, this year they can go back to lookin' fer another defensive tackle like the great Warren Sapp. Now havin' the number 3 position means their hunt may be at an end cause they can take Gerald McCoy, DT, out of Oklahoma - assumin' Detroit takes Mr. "Suh" . Either way they this here what we call a "duh" pick - cause they need a DT and so they is a gonna git one.

Pick 4: Washington Redskins (4-12): Russell Okung, OT, Oklahoma State
All right, time for them Redskins from Washington. They was 4 and 12 and they can surely use some help on offense, especially cause now they got themselves a veteran QB in Donovan McNabb. So it don't take a rocket scientist to know they need someone what to give him some hamburger helper so that (a) he don't eat no dirt too often and (b) well you know Washington likes to run, so like they need a big boy to block. Now I think that Russell Okung, OT, out of Oklahoma State should fit the duck bill .. and if he ain't around they could always take Trent Williams, OT, out of Oklahoma if Okung ain't around. Either way, someone in Oklahoma is gonna be livin' high off the hog and don't you know it.

Pick 5: Kansas City Chiefs (4-12): Eric Berry, S/CB, Tennessee
All right, the clock is tickin' and the war drums are drummin' and we come to them 4 and 12 Kansas City Chiefs. Now I tell y'all what, this team is like Swiss Cheese what's been left out in the sun too long ... they got plenty of holes and stink to high heaven. On defense, they need to teach them boys how to tackle, but until they do, at least they can git Eric Berry, out of Tennessee, what can play both safety or corner back and stick him together with Brandon Flowers for nice a mix a .. uh .. well it sort a sounds like a fruit drink thar, uh berry and flowers punch, and we ain't talkin' - no daiquiri, but at least they can put a stop all those what the rest of their defense will miss. Their offensive line could sure use some help too, but lettin' other teams run up the numbers ain't gonna help that much.

Pick 6: Seattle Seahawks (5-11): Trent Williams, OT, Oklahoma
All right, at number six we got us them Seattle Seahawks. Now them birdies will be lookin' to put that thar new offensive line coach to work by giving him Trent Williams, OT, out of Oklahoma to play with. This should also help them Seattle QBs what were busier than than a one-legged man at a butt kickin' contest ... with them gettin' sacked 40 plus times last season. Speakin' a QBs, Seattle could use one ... maybe Tebow? I reckon they might, but I don't think they will until the 2nd round - and that is if Jimmy Clausen ain't still around.

Pick 7: Cleveland Browns (5-11): Earl Thomas, S/CB, Texas
Ok next up at number 7 is them Cleveland Browns. I tell y'all what the way I see it is that they need a safety ... and if they don't git no Eric Berry then they'll take this one, Earl Thomas, out of Texas. Tim Tebow, you say? Well figurin' that them Browns offense was about as ugly as the east end of a horse headed west, you might be sayin' yeah this makes sense but shoot, why not go after Jimmy Clausen, or heck make Brady Quinn trade bait and shoot fer Bradford by goin' after them Rams? Nah, I reckon they'll give Brady at least another year before feed him to the hogs. But heck who know? They might snatch up Tebow in the 2nd round assumin' Jimmy Clausen ain't still around and .... uh... well, we've been here before ain't we, folks.

Pick 8: Oakland Raiders (5-11): Bruce Campbell, OT, Maryland
Ok now we got us them Oakland Raiders and they need them an offensive tackle ... and Al Michaels likes them big and powerful - so look no further than Bruce Cambell out of Maryland. Now he' s taller and stronger than that thar Bryan Bulaga, out of Iowa. He's also faster ... boy can that porker run. He ain't as tubby as that thar Anthony Davis, out of Rutgers and I reckon that's a good thing. So I says go with height and speed over girth. Sorry, boys but whoosh .. thar goes Campbell right up the Draft board.

Pick 9: Buffalo Bills (6-10): Bryan Bulaga, OT, Iowa
All right now at number 9 we got us them Buffalo Bills. I tell you what, this one is a hard one to prognosticate cause them Bills could sure use an offensive Tackle and they could use a QB! Do you smell Tim Tebow? I'm not sure cause I think they could use a tackle more. So I thin they is a gonna go with that thar Bryan Bulaga, out of Iowa. If they're lucky they might be able to pick up Tebow in the 2nd round or maybe even Clausen. Now don't git me wrong, it would sure put pepper in Chan Gailey's gumbo to git his hands on Clausen ... but I think he's a gonna gamble a bit here and take a shot on a sure starter, Bulaga... what would help out any QB they bring in ... even another veteran.

Pick 10: Jacksonville Jaguars (7-9): Derrick Morgan, DE Georgia Tech

Ok, now we got them Jacksonville Jaguars and I don't think anyone really know which way the wind is a gonna blow on this one. Now some folks say they oughtsta to bring in Tebow cause he'll fill the stadium with Gator fans. I reckon not. How about Jimmy Clausen? He's right thar fer the takin' ... but again I reckon not. Why you say? Cause they got them their QB in Garrard, so why pay all that money to Clausen? They needed a defensive end ... but they got one by gettin' Aaron Kampman this month. Could they go fer depth at this position? Sure, so I says they go with Derrick Morgan out of Georgia Tech. This is "one cup a Joe" they can have cause it's already been saucered and blown. And that's all I have to say about that.

Pick 11: Denver Broncos (7-9): Dez Bryant, WR, Oklahoma State
All right now we got us them 7 and 9 Denver Broncos what moved up with a trade with Chicago: Uh let me put it this way ... elite WR Brandon Marshall went to them Fins, so it looks like these wooden horses need a WR and they need one quick. So ... Dez be nimble, Dez be quick - Dez git yourself over to Denver quick ... that's right. I'm sure them Fins would love to git their hands on Dez Bryant out of Oklahoma State - but Denver ain't gonna give them no satisfaction. If and they did they'd be one fry short of Happy Meal - and you can take that to the bank.... just like Brandon Marshall did!

Pick 12: Miami Dolphins (7-9): Sergio Kindle, DE/LB, Texas
All right, now at number 12 is my fins ... it's them Miami Dolphins, that is. Do they need linebacker? Well they got them Karlos Dansby but I think they might need a bit more cause rumor has it Jason Taylor is a talkin' to them Jets ... and Joey Porter went on over to them Arizona Cardinals. Now old Tuna Parcells just loves them big defensive players so I think that Sergio Kindle, DE/LB, out of Texas fits the duck bill. I sure would love them to grab them a safety ... cause they sure need one, but I reckon they'll do just fine later in the draft. Hey! How about that thar Tim Tebow? Well, I think to this team, he'd be about as handy as a back pocket on a stag shirt.

Pick 13: San Francisco (8-8): Joe Haden, CB, Florida
Ok next up on the clock is them San Francisco 49ers. the Singletary treat. And, he's a fixin' to fix him some holes in his secondary. So best on the draft board is Joe Haden, CB, out of Florida. This here is a match made in heaven. Yep, that would certainly dill them Frisco boy's pickles, real quick. Hey what about Tim Tebow? Well, I believe Joe Haden will go on and steal his thunder ... just like he did at that thar Florida Pro Day back in March. "Poor Tebow"!

Pick 14: Seattle Seahawks (8-8): C.J. Spiller, RB, Clemson
All right, here comes them Seattle Seahawks at number 14, after tradin' up with Denver. Now hopefully they got themselves an offensive tackle with their number 6 pick. So now, they need them someone to put some points on the board ... and that means yonder comes C.J. Spiller, RB, out of Clemson. Now this youngin' can run, catch and even return kicks. Who can ask for more? I reckon Matt Hasselbeck will keep him busier than a cat coverin' his what not on a marble floor. Now that thar QB Hasselbeck is in the last year of his contract, and Seattle already brought in some help fer him ... so I don't think they're a gonna pick up Jimmy Clausen... or Tebow. I may be wrong ... but I doubt it.

Pick 15: New York Giants (8-8): Rolando McClain, LB, Alabama
Ok. now we got us them New York Giants ... and when they say Giants they're probably talking their front seven. This year, I don't think they can pass up on Rolando McClain, LB, out of Alabama. That thar Tuna in Miami will be salivatin' over this one ... but I think he's gonna let this big fishy go to New York. If he don't you'll see Sergio Kindle end up over here.

Pick 16: Tennessee Titans (8-8): Jason Pierre-Paul, DE, South Florida
All right, at number 16 we got us them Tennessee Titans. Them big boys didn't have much of a pass rush last year, in fact, I'd say their front four were about as useful as a pogo stick in quicksand. So a hefty defensive end is what they need to start goin' after opposin' QBs. On my draft board, that brings us to Jason Pierre-Paul, DE, out of South Florida. Actually, South Florida is up thar Tampa ... and from where I come from that is North. Anyways ... they could use them a cornerback too, but I think they need to start up front and rebuild that thar front line. Teach them boys how to pass rush and what not so that they don't keep ridin' the short bus home from the stadium for half their games.

Pick 17: San Francisco 49ers (8-8): Mike Iupati, OT/OG, Idaho
All right, for number 17, we go back to San Francisco what traded up with Carolina. Nothin' could be finer that to be in Carolina ... unless you're in San Francisco with this here pick - cause you can either continue to beef up your offensive line or even get you a QB. Now over thar on the west coast, I don't think Tebow has the drawin' power to make much difference. How about Jimmy Clausen? Well to help me with this prognostication, I spun me my little pigskin and it ended up point to ... well the offensive line. If they can git OG, Mike Iupati out of Idaho, that would surely add some beefstock to their men in the trenches. They could also go with that thar Anthony Davis ... but I say stick to that thar guard. At 325 pounds and with his 35-inch arms, Mike can even play tackle. He's gonna rope and ride them doggies and put some of them up wet! Yes ma'am, we're talkin' some big USRDA beef here ... anymore and we'd need us some BBQ sauce.

Pick 18: Pittsburgh Steelers (9-7): Anthony Davis, OT, Rutgers
Ok, next up on the draft clock is them Pittsburgh Steelers. I think it's pretty obviouos where they need help ... their offensive line, cause gunslinger Ben Roethlisberger was sent to lala land one too many times and over all their runnin' game was about as useful as a two legged hound dog. On my draft board, assuming that Mike Iaputi... Iapati ole what's his name goes with them 49ers, so them Steelers could take ... Tim Tebow.. no just joshin... they'd git themselves that thar OT, Anthony Davis, out of Rutgers. I think this makes sense and I think Anthony would be smilin' like a goat in a briarpatch to stay up North and .. well, to just be picked already.

Pick 19: Atlanta Falcons (9-7): Brandon Graham, DE Michigan
Ok next on the clock is them 9 and 7 Atlanta Falcons. Now these birdies need to shore up defensive line and linebacker corps. So I think the big man to fill them shoes is Brandon Graham, what's a DE out of Michigan. Now the truth is them Falcons could surely use a pass rusher .... but I think of what's on the board, so they oughtsta go with this here pittbull. Generally speakin ... haha I said there General Lee .. uh that thar Brandon ain't as big them others, but well, if power was coffee, he'd have enough for a string a Starbucks. If they can teach this youngin' to squirt through that thar line and git to them QBs, they'd be floatin' over the moon in Atlanta.

Pick 20: Houston Texans (9-7): Kyle Wilson, CB Boise State
All right, next up is them 9 and 7 Houston Texans. Can you spell CORNERBACK? These boys need to Dial 1-800-CORNERBACK, and quick! First off they done lost their starting corner in free agency, and second off ... well they gotsta play Peyton Manning and Co. twice a year. So, this here is a no-brainer, the way I see it. Running back you say? Well sure they can use them some of them most definitely .... but I reckon they can stack their decks in some later rounds. In their division, y'all gotsta be thinkin' defense first. If ya don't, then y'all is crazier than a run-over dog. Don't be surprised if they trade up to snatch them a running back, too, like Ryan Mathews, out of Fresno State.

Pick 21: Cincinnati Bengals (10-6): Jermaine Gresham, TE, Oklahoma
Ok, the draft clock is tickin', it won't take no lickin' and up to the plate come them Cincinnati Bengals. Well I tell you what, they got them that Carlson Palmer - so what they need now is some folks what are catch his balls? Know what I mean? I think you do .. . and it ain't gonna be Tim Tebow, so hold that gator for a spell. For this pick I'm thinkin' Jermaine Gresham, a TE out of Oklahoma. The draft board ain't stacked with impact wide receivers ... and Gresham is rated tops, and he can line up as a receiver, too, so I'd say this was a safe bet. That was easy!

Pick 22: New England Patriots (10-6): Jared Odrick, DT/DE, Penn State
All right , next up is them New England Patriots. I smell Geritol on both sides of the line of scrimmage and it ain't cause Brett Favre what is older than the mountains is in the house, neither. The way I see, with this pick, is that y'all have to take a look at what's still stickin' on the draft board. And unless you want Tim Tebow, what all y'all will see is that them defensive picks are lookin' a bit better than them offensive picks ... fer the money that is. So I say they go with Jared Odrick, DT/DE, out of Penn State to help them shore up their line ... and I ain't talkin' the Jersey Shore! Odrick would surely be a good replacement for Jarvis Green what they got thar.

Pick 23: Green Bay Packers (11-5): Taylor Mays, S, USC
All right next up is them Green Bay Packers what were sent packin' from the playoff in their loss to them Cardinals. remember that? That thar loss was as ugly as ... well lemme put it to y'all this way, If I had me a hound as ugly as that thar loss, I’d shave his butt and make him walk backwards. Best on the draft board to git them headed in the right direction is Taylor Mays, the safety, out of USC. He's the best of the lot, assuming Green Bay don't trade up to get someone for their offensive line ... cause they need some help their, too! But I think gettin' shredded in the them playoffs on defense speaks volumes of encyclopedias about their needs. But a safety will save their defense from gettin' carved up like a thanksgivin' turkey. Go with Mays, and give Clay Mathews some help. May the force of Bart Starr be with all a y'all.

Pick 24: Philadelphia Eagles (11-5): Maurkice Pouncey, C/G, Florida
What comes flyin' over the horizon to stand on the draft podium is ... well it ain't Tim Tebow, but it's them Philadelphia Eagles: I reckon that this team has got some holes on their offensive line, in their running back corps, and all over their defense. If you were makin' spaghetti you could use their defense as a sieve. Still, for the money, I think they oughtsta go with Maurkice Pouncey, C/G, Florida. Help them git some of that shirt yardage they been missin'. Thar's plenty of depth at running back in the draft and they can also pick up some decent linebackers later on to help them out, bless their hearts. Anyways, you know how them Eagles love them linemen! And, I ain't talkin' the Wichita lineman, here.... what's still on the line....

Pick 25: Baltimore Ravens (9-7): Demaryius Thomas, WR Georgia Tech
All right, the clock is still tickin' and here come them Baltimore Ravens at 9 and 7. Ok, so far this offseason, they got them Anaquin Skywalker, uh nope that thar is Anquan uh, Boldin and also Donte' Stallworth, so I reckon they is done givin' Joe Flacco some hands to go whacko with. Or is they? I tell y'all what, I think they is greedy buggers and are gonna grab them that thar Demagio ... uh .. Derriere ... uh .. Demaryius Thomas, the WR out of Georgia Tech. If Tim Tebow could catch they might snatch him too ... but I don't see that happenin'.

Pick 26: Arizona Cardinals (10-6): Sean Weatherspoon, LB, Missouri
Ok, now on the draft clock is them Arizona Cardinals, flyin' high off a last years success ... not that they got to the Superbowl none, but they did beat up on them Packers, and came close before losin' to Drew ... "Call him the Breeze" Brees and his saintly crew. Now them birdies did well, but the way I see it they got them a stinker defense where the run is concerned. In the playoffs, they gave up like 45 points in 2 games! So I reckon they oughtsta go with Sean Weatherspoon, LB out of Missouri, if he is still around this deep in the 1st round. Them birdies is a contender, thar ain't no doubt about that... and if they can keep them other teams from makin' them look like roadkill ... they might git a bit on further down the road to the big game!

Pick 27: Dallas Cowboys (11-5): Charles Brown, OT USC
All right, now we got us them 11 and 5 Dallas Cowboys. They could surely use some help at safety and their offensive line. Seein' whose left on the draft board, other than Tim Tebow and Jimmy Clausen, I'd say go with Charles Brown, OT out of USC... that's Charles Brown to all y'all, not Charlie Brown. Now, it seems to me that them Cowboys don't really need much of anyone real badly like. Maybe Tony Romo and crew could use up a young back up to pass on his knowledge to ... anyone come to mind? Tim Tebow maybe? I reckon not, but who knows.

Pick 28: San Diego Chargers (13-3): Ryan Mathews, RB, Fresno State
All right, now a lot a y'all might be wonderin' at this point "Hey, what about them running backs? Ain't thar noone what wants a good running back?" Well, chargin' to the draft podium is them San Diego Chargers, all riled up and randy cause they is fixin' to git them Ryan Mathews, a RB out of Fresno State and the only the 2nd running back to be taken in this here draft. And that's that. They need someone to hold hands with Darren Sproles in the backfield, so he won't be so lonely, and anyway he ain't no every down type of runner.

Pick 29: New York Jets (9-7): Roger Saffold, OT/OG, Indiana
Ok, waitin' fer take off on the draft clock at number 29 is them New York Jets. They wasn't gonna wait around fer the draft to git them fixed up in terms of wide receivers cause they traded fer Sa Antoinio ... uh Santonio Holmes. So what else they metal birdies need? Hey, How about Tim Tebow? Nope, they all ready got one purty boy in form of Mark Sanchez .. smile purty! Nope I think they is gonna go after Roger Saffold, OT/OG, out of Indiana to help protect that thar purty boy cause eatin' dirt don't look good fer the paparazzi. Now Rex Ryan likes them defensive boys too, but I think they need to protect their investment in Hannah Montana .. uh ... I mean Mark Sanchez some. Smile purty!

Pick 30: Minnesota Vikings (12-4): Jimmy Clausen, QB, Notre Dame
All right, here we go, on the clock is them Minnesota Vikings. I tell you what , if Tim Tebow is a gonna land anywhere, it might just be with them Vikings. They need to start groomin' some youngin' here cause old Burt .. uh .. I mean Brett Favre is gonna be shufflin' off to them shuffle boards, sooner than later. He'll be pitchin' that thar Geritol on them golf courses before long. So I see them purple boys taken a QB here in the 1st round. If I followed the draft board I'd say Clausen is ripe fer the taking. Question is, is it gonna be Tebow or Clausen? Boards say Clausen ... and I have to agree. Clausen would do well to serve under Favre for a year... and I don't think Favre is ready to hang it up just yet, when he was that close to the big game. Sorry Tebow, but logic and the board says Clausen comes first. Anyway he's from the Notre Dame ... so y'all know how that goes.

Pick 31: Indianapolis Colts (14-2): Dan Williams, DT, Tennessee
Ok, now at the draft podium stands a bunch a losers... just joshin' Peyton, ... well folk's it's them Indianapolis Colts. I reckon they'll go with pickin' someone fer their offensive line, especially since at that thar Superbowl loss, heartbreakin' as it was, Bill Polian standin' thar pointed fingers. So that's what's logical ... but I reckon that logic goes out the barndoor when y'all see that DE, Dan Williams out of Tennessee is still on the boards. Passin' him up would be like sayin' no to Mountain Dew! In fact, bein' from Tennessee, Williams might just even bring over a few jugs! So how can anyone say no to that? I'll just hush up mug, if you'll fill up my jug, with that good ole mountain dew.

Pick 32: New Orleans (13-3): Everson Griffen, DE, USC
All right, its the last call for the last round of them 1st round selections. "Oh when them saints come marchin' in ... yep folks , enter them New Orleans Saints, champions of the planet Earth for their pick. What does these Pabst Blue Ribbon winners need? Old habits die hard, so you know they want a defensive lineman or linebacker. So I think they might go after that thar Everson Griffen, DE, out of USC. He can also line up as an outside linebacker if need be. if he ain't around, then they'll go with Jerry Hughes out of TCU, what can even line up as a defensive end. So either they is as covered as oak barrel of Jack Daniels. Hey! What about Tebow? We didn't find him a home? Now look folks, I like me Tebow a lot - but it don't take a chicken to spot a rotten egg, and I just don't think he is 1st round material. But then again ... neither was Brett Favre. So if that ain't a compliment, I don't know what is! Look fer Tebow to go in round 2.

Well that's it's fer me folks, that thar is my picks. I heap y'all will join once the season gits goin' again, for my Weekly Pick on who's a gonna win and what not. And sometime very soon, I'll be doin' a music podcast, a bit a blues a bit of bluegrass a bit all manners of music to help support all them unsigned artists. So if you are unsigned and are lookin' to git some promotion fer your music give me a holler and I'll help all a y'all out ... cause that is the kind of man I is. Now, fer all a you what will be buyin' new boats from bettin' on what youngins are gonna get git in what rounds ... don't forget me and all them picks I set all a y'all up with. Git on over to http://www.jugmongers.com/, that's Jugmongers with a "J" and send me a little donation so I can tail gate like it's nobody's business come this season... and also maybe git me a Martin D-28 guitar to pick a little Bluegrass on. Finally some words of wisdom to take y'all through trainin' camp: "Every day above ground, is a good one" - and y'all can take that to the bank!

---------- End Podcast Transcript ----------

Ok, that's it for my picks. If you are interested in seein' some other terrific mock drafts from NFL fans, here's a few good site's what's good a lot a them:

http://www.hailredskins.com/MockDraft.htm

http://nfldrafttoday.com/nfl-mock-draft-database/

http://www.fftoolbox.com/nfl_draft/2010/nfl-mock-draft-database.cfm

http://www.footballfanspot.com/nflmockdraftdatabase.htm

http://walterfootball.com/


Now, fer all a y'all what to like know it all and be a smarty pants come football season, this here book is fer you! I recommend it!

Claim Jumpin' Gene Squatters

Howdy folks and kin! Lord, I tell y'all I wish this was an April's tomfoolery joke - but it aint. Here's the deal: apparently it ain't just them federal revenuers what claim to own our hides anymore. Some of them drug-dealin' pharmaceutical companies hold a claim on at least twenty percent of our genes, too! Ain't that somethin'? It seems their shifty lawyers have been busier than a one-armed wallpaper hanger tryin' to tie up some of our DNA with their products what are supposed to save our lives and make us all healthy and what not.

Now hit me if I ain't correct on this, but didn't "owning" folks, or any part thereof, go out with Lincoln and that thar Emancipation Proclamation? I guess them pharmaceutical industrial types, like at Myriad Genetics (et al!), still don't get it. Maybe they was thinkin' to themselves "heck, them is only some little genes what are smaller than a grain of sand, so no one will notice if we jump a claim on them ". Know what I mean, good folks? I think y'all do.

Now here's the problem: them genes what were patented are the ones that trigger some breast and ovarian cancers. Now these "Myriad Genetics" folks, for example, have them a little test for these genes what will tell the risk of them developing these forms a cancer. The test cost $3,000! Well, it turns out that the patent on that thar test includes, in legalese of course, a patent on them same little genes. So that means, if y'all don't want to pay no $3000 to Myriad Genetics, you is plum out of luck, cause no other drug company is allowed to make a test to touch that them genes, so says the U.S. patent office.

Now one of the big questions I have here is ... how did 20 percent of our genes get patented in the first place? Is this a serious case of inefficent patent office paper-pushin' rubber stampers ... or have some viagara-totin' suit-wearin' drug dealers been payin' off them rubber stampers to look the other way? I wonder....

All right I want y'all to think on this to boot: on the heels of a judge shootin' down them rogue patents, it turns out that, according to the New York Times, over on Wall Street "many biotechnology stocks fell on Tuesday as investors struggled to understand the impact of a ruling that threw out parts of two gene patents and called into question thousands more." It seems to me that them Wall Street investors ain't had absolutely no problem understandin' anything at all! They can do the math! It don't take a rocket scientist to know that twenty percent a somethin' is somethin', while zero percent a somethin' is nothin'! Now I wonder if them Wall Street investors knew this all along and that's why they invested in them drug-dealin' industrials in the first place, thinkin' they could jump a claim on us all.

I tell you what though, the real "bottom line" is that when big business trickery stands in the way of good folk being denied life saving medical testing ... well let's just say I hope the high courts ride them "drug dealers" hard and puts them up wet. And as for them rubber stampers at the patent office, well I guess someone oughtsta give them keys to the "short bus" to ride home on. And, to all a y'all Wall Street investors takin' a blood bath now cause a this here fiasco, well it serves y'all right fer thinkin' y''all could squat on any party a our bodies!

Man-o-man, it seems to me even the devil himself don't got anything on these pharmaceutical industry types! It's sad to say that, even fer a spell, "big business" can own a "pound of our flesh" without us even knowin' anything about it. I like to think it ought be a lot harder for them to own our souls, too .... but, uh, maybe we all oughta check with some "ambulance chasers" just to be sure.

All the best,
- Judd Jugmonger

PS. Here's the link to them articles for more info:
http://www.nature.com/news/2010/100330/full/news.2010.160.html
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/31/business/31gene.html

PPS: Hey y'all, here's a good book y'all might want to take at look-see at:

Our New Song On MySpace: At The Jobline

Howdy Y'all!

We done put us up a new song what's called "At The Jobline", on our MySpace profile. Y'all can give it a lesson by goin' on our profile. Here's the link: http://www.myspace.com/jugmongers

It's one from our upcomin' "Jugmongers: Live At The Hootenanny" record ... if it ever gets done, that is what with this economic regression and all. And, if any of y'all are ailin' from this here blasted economic crisis, then give it a listen and do some commiseratin with us, cause misery loves company!

And, it seems we put it up just in time fer "Jefferson-Jackson Day", too! What a hoot! Celebrate accordingly.... donations accepted, as always. http://www.jugmongers.com/

Now, if y'all are Democrats then "Jefferson-Jackson" Day is a day when y'all can do some fancy eatin' with your party... of course if y'all are Republicans, then you can do the same on "Lincoln-Reagan" Day. If y'all are Libertarians ... well I don't rightly know what y'all outghts do. Sorry. But, if y'all are like me, you can do your fancy eatin' on any ole' day, 24/7 ... and you can take that to the bank (if your local one ain't been shuttered yet, that is)!

All the best,

- Judd Jugmonger :)

PS. Jolene, says "Hey", too.

Don't Throw Watermelons At Dan Rather

Howdy Good Folks and Kin,

I need to git political here fer a spell. This mornin' while drinkin' my cup a Joe, I came across this here article about a lots folks what got all riled up at Dan Rather cause he used the word watermelon, even though he did so in a non-offensive way. Here's the link for the article:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dan-rather/watermelons-washington-an_b_492890.html

So I wrote a comment to thar thar article, but them Huffington Post folks got all "Huffy" cause it wasn't no 250 words. I posted a smaller comment, but thought I would post my FULL comment here, for all a y'all what like to read what I think (Lord help you!). So here it is:

Howdy Y'all!

I tell you what, it's my opinion that Dan Rather is a fine American and character of good repute, who like most is doin' the best he can... especially as he's gettin' on in years and got his "legacy" to consider. He ain't on CBS no more, so folks ferget his contributions and the fine journalistic work he's done over the years. Now, some youngins or distant folk might not know him fer Walter Cronkite or even Chevy Chase. He's been the target of all sorts a evil doin' folks what want to do him wrong fer his investigations into their "what not", and I reckon that it's these folks what still want to throw stones when he walks by.

No one knows, in the hearts and minds of all men, who is racist and who ain't. Now, maybe that's a scary thing to some folks, but that's just how it is. BUT, thar's lots a folk, mean folk, what sure likes to label this one and label that one, and nit pick your words apart. I'm sure some a y'all you know the type... you see them hidin' behind fake names on online forums or yellin' out from the midst of politically charged crowds under the cover of those what are taller then they is.

Anyways, I reckon that most problems with society stem from these "labelin' types. It's these sorts a folks what want to tell everybody what you is and you ain't and "what's yours and what's mine and what ain't yours is mine"... and, well... these are the same folks what got their noses in everybody's business and up some folks backdoors... sort of like them IRS revenuers! Why, as soon as we all is born, them labellers have started the paperwork on what we is: sex, ethincity, nationality, religion, family name, birthmarks, girth, etc.... all goes on the birth certificates and some other papers, too, and all without our sayin' not even one word ... not even watermelon.

Anyways, the point is it's time we all need to stop labellin' and just start acceptin' folks fer who they is and not fer what they ain't by virtues of the facts that we have taken the time to git to know each other.... before we start shootin' our mouths and other's butts off. It's time we embraced one another and think twice before judgin' some books fer their covers ... and people, too! Ain't y'all never seen thar thar film the "Breakfast Club"? It's short on grits and hashbrowns, but long on the importance of gettin' to know folk before we start to label em'. Heck, even in them biblical times, them folks said "Love thy neighbor as thyself". I reckon that means y'all oughts to git to know otehr folks fer a spell, and think twice before y'all start shootin your mouths and their butts off!

So, what does the "Breakfast Club" gots to do with Dan Rather? Well, I suspect that most folk with Twitter are youngins' or rabblerousers what don't know "Adam from Eve" but lots about codin' and "PCS" (not just "Personal Computers" but also "Polical Correctedness")... they might know somethin' or other about "Kenneth" and the "Frequency" cause they seen it on the Wikipedia or heard it in a song ... cept' they don't know much know much about folks other than what they read on TMZ. Maybe they git Dan Rather confused with Charlaton Heston or Michael Tyler Moore. Maybe they is nervous cause Dan can be seen in a few photos wearin' them big huntin' vests with them bigger pockets. I aint sure. See, these folks love their "flame wars" ... and the hotter the better. They love watchin' goats frothin' in the pepper patch! Know what I mean? I think you do.

This all smacks a that thar "Polital Correctedness" bunch. You know, them stone throwers ... and brothers and sisters, freinds and kin, beware of them stone throwers! They is sort a like some a them older folks what like to write "Letters to the Editor" of newspaper about articles they aint' even half read and like to sign their names "anonymous". They is a nervous bunch but still want their soapbox, or matchbox in some cases, to speak out or act above their raisin' and exercise their "rights to speak"... even though no one particularly asked fer their opinions.... but that's ok, cause we all is Americans and we all got a right to talk, just like everybody else does the same. Now, maybe these folks want to start a campaign to git ole' Mr. Webster to take "Watermelon" out of the dictionary without considerin' that context matters too, ... well, fer some words that is, other words maybe not.

I ain't sure about lots a stuff these days, but what I do know is that knee jerkin' reactions to a few words on the twitter screen ... ain't gonna do much fer no one cept' git everyone all riled up about nothing.... but see, maybe that's what them labeller's want. Shoot first and ask questions later... ain't that it what it's all about, good folks? I think we all heard them ideas before some time ago, ain't we?

Now, maybe I'm just a foolish bumpkin what also like to talk, or maybe I just enjoy my poetical license ... but I know fer sure that bein' sensitive ain't the same thing as throwin' stones. I don't know Dan Rather personally, but I seen the news over the years, and do know his long body of work. And so I choose to judge him by what I know ... and not by his choice of a single word reflectin' a food of the fruity variety and in a non-offensive context.

For all y'all what need a conclusion or a moral to this here yarn ... well here it is: Some words are like frog hairs what can be split four ways. But a frog what ain't got not hair is accepted anyway.

All the best,
- Judd Jugmonger

A Valentine Day's Poem Fer Jolene

Howdy Folks! Happy Valentine's Day!
This here is a little poem what I wrote fer my sweety deety, Jolene. Goes like this:

Roses are red and them violet's are blue...
I've got some cornbread muffins in the oven, I've made especially fer you!
Now, some folks say cornbread ain't much,
but everyone loves muffins what come in oatmeal and raisin, blueberry and such...

So that thar is my symbolic gesturin', fer today of all days...
cause it's Valentine's Day, or so the calendar says.
And you is my love muffin, Jolene, you know its true.
Ain't no other woman fer me will do ...
- (that thar's what I wrote in that thar song what I sang at the Hootenanny. You know the one what I we got up on the MySpace www.myspace.com/jugmongers )

So I ask you Jolene, cause your gooder’n than grits....
- (and not just because you git me all riled up and randy, neither!)
Will you be my valentine and come on' over here and give me a kiss?

I Love You,
- Judd Jugmonger xoxoxo

PS. We aint' got us a barn, but if' we did have us one, I'd meet you behind it! xoxoxo

Judd Jugmonger's NFL Super Bowl XLIV Picks

Howdy folks this here is Judd Jugmonger, sittin' in the Katywonkered Cafe'. I thought I'd throw my wooden nickels into the meltin' pot as regards the game a game, the Super Bowl. Since, I got me lots a lots a emails from folks and kin a wantin' me to do some prognosticatin' about the game, so, I thought I'd oblige, as I usually do, seein' as I'm hopin' some all y'all might win some BIG money and give me a little something fer my tipjar.

So who's a gonna win the Pabst Blue Ribbon down thar in Miami? I tell you what I'm torn on this one. If I was to go with my guts, I'd say Peyton Manning will be hard to beat. He's a gonna git all fired up and when that happens, well, he'll be a lookin' to make things happen and ain't gonna stand for no what not. These are games fer him when he starts pullin' badgers from hats and makin' monkeys fly from his detractors butts, if you know what mean, and I think you do.

So fer most prognosticators or predictors, that there is the big problem: just as no one like arguin' with a fence post - no one likes to pick against Peyton Manning, when a championship game in on the Wichita lineman.

All right, well, I reckon the only problem is for him to win the BIG one is that he's gotsta have to some folks to throw to, and I suspect his recievin' corps are feelin' poorly. Their wings ain't clipped, but if and their gonna have to shoot and score on every possession well they're just a gonna be all plum tuckered out come the end of the game. And, that folks is a problem fer Peyton. He might end up busier than a cat coverin' crap on a marble floor.

Now, I think them Saints, "all around the round house", have just got themselves a better offense. And, uh, yeah don't ferget they got themselves Drew "call him the breeze" Brees, too. If anyone a y'all thinks he's a gonna just stand a there like a bump on the log, well then you are one can short of a six-pack and will probably end up ridin' the short bus home from the stadium.

To make matters worse fer them Indianapolis boys, I think them New Orleans boys got them some better game planners overall. I also suspect they got them some of that "Louisi-anna" Mojo with them ... though I suspect that ole' Archie Manning passed some on down to Peyton .... Lord, Peyton sure does got him some Mojo sometimes, don't he? But then, so does Drew Brees - he just ain't made a career of gittin' it workin' as flashy as Peyton has.

What about the rest of them Colts? Were some say they got themselves the better defense. I reckon so, but I also suspect they're not runnin' on a full tank a gas, just like theirs receiving corps. Now, it don't take a rocket scientist to know that when ya put them up against a Saints' offense that in the regular season was number 1 in points scored and yards gained, and yeah, throw Drew Brees in there, too - and ya'll git a Saints win.... on the papers. Though, it's those papers, Peyton will be itchin' to take to the outhouse.

I also say that "all things been equalized" this game might be won on special teams or on turnovers. If that's so, I say them Saints also got the edge. If the game is to be won on field goals in over time, it might just go to them Colts, but I reckon this ain't gonna happen.

So I'm a gonna go with my brains on this one .... so take them Saints over them Colts. I even spun me my little pigskin and it pointed to ... well its still spinnin' ... but seems to be tippin' over to them Saints. Yet, I'm writin' this here prognostication with a bit of cringe cause I know ole' Peyton's might just gonna give me a whoopin' some! So all y'all Saints fans, don't count your chickies before they hatch!
Now some of a y'all might just say, "Judd? Why don't just stick to your guts and go with them Colts?" Well the scietifically answer is that my guts will be full a Super Bowl Sunday BBQ Ribs, Hot Chicken Wings (extra tabascey sauce) and maybe even some Gumbo". So seein' as my guts will be satisfied, they won't mind my brains doin' the talkin'. So that's that.

Ok. so this here is Judd Jugmonger signin' off from the Katywonkered Cafe' with some words a wisdom: You can beat an egg, and you can beat a drum ... but if you beat your grits, y'all are gonna lose some!

All the best,
- Judd Jugmonger

PS. Next week I hope to debut my new "picks" podcast with music, more prognosticatin', my insights into current worldly affairs (especially regardin' the economic regression", cookin' tips and plenty of down home fun. Just a waitin' fer a bit more cash fer a new "pop filter". So all a y'all what will be winnin' big with my either my guts' or my brains' Super Bowl prognostications, don't ferget to git on over to my website, and put some in the tip jar. It's: http://www.jugmongers.com/ - that's Jugmongers with a "J". You can even git yourself a "Jugmonger Swag T-Shirt" if y'all want!

PPS. Hey! How about that Danica Patrick! She done well and come in 6th!

Judd Jugmonger's NFL Playoff Picks - Sunday, January 24, 2010

Howdy Folks & Kin,

Since lot a y'all have been a pesterin' me about them NFL playoffs and who's a gonna win and who I think is a gonna do what not, I thought I might throw my two-bits and wooden nickels into the ring, especially as I ain't made them "Judd Jugmonger's NFL Picks" fer a spell... and I tell ya'll good folks why in just a bit.

But first, regardin' this week's playoff games. Ok, I tell you what, if all a y'all really need my opinion here, then you must be ridin' the short bus to n' fro. It don't take no rocket scientist to tell what a rotten salami smells like, or that them Indianapolis Colts and New Orleans Saints are a gonna win the Pabst Blue Ribbon this week. And them Minnesota Vikings and New York Jets, well I guess at the end the day, they're a gonna be shakin' their heads harder than a hound dog with both ticks and fleas!

Now first up, over in Indianapolis, Peyton Manning is a gonna face pretty boy Mark Sanchez... well not atually, but you know what I mean, I think you do. Now, I tell you what, I was surprised as all git out that them Jets wound up where they is today ... and I guess y'all have to give them coaches and players a hand .... and this week they'll a need a helpin' hand to git up off a their butts and off a the field!

Now why do I think them Jets is a gonna git the "butt turf" this week? Well, let's see now, it'a cause them Colts have a gotta make up fer that thar week 16 loss to them Jets, what destroyed their quest fer the "perfect seaon", - a glorious distinction that only my Miami Dolphins still can claim. They're ain't on claim jumoers this year. Uh, anyway, so even though them Colts let their starters take a nap that week - their's a gonna be some payback this week.

By the same jitney token, over in New Orleans, Burt Favre might just need a walkin' stick and help his and his Vikings off a the field. Turth is they given' us all a great ride this season to make up fer all that fetootin' "is he retired, or is he aint" fodder. But, I just don't think ole Burt's a got anymore drops a Geritol in his jug, to keep him and his team from bein' knocked off the grid-iron and onto the shuffle board courts, - like what they used to gots in Miami Beach back in it's day. I may be wrong, but I think Drew "call him the breeze" Brees is just a gonna pick apart that thar Minnesota defense.... assuming them Vikings' rush don't git to him first! I just don't think ole' Burt is a gonna be able to keep up. It's a gonna be a great game, though. Heck, even that thar Colts / Jets match up will be fun to watch.

Now, uh, Mark Sanchez, here a tip - if a you want to avoid eatin' some dirt this week ... you best just keep a handin' that ball off. Who knows, you may even come out smellin' like a rose... or a tulip. Probably not, though.

So folks, go with them Colts. ... and don't ferget, go with them Saints, too. Why heck, I even spun my little pigskin, and it sure did point to what it was I was just sayin.

All right that's thar's my picks fer this week's playoff. Now, as fer me and where I been, well, I've been a real busy doin' some tourin' and bein' in and out of the studio. The "Jugmongers Bluegrass Band" is almost through with our "Live At the Hootenanny" record we is doin'. That's a kept me from makin' my podcast and doin' this here blog. Also, well to be honest, it's taken me this long to recover from them' Miami Dolphin's a not gittin' into the playoffs and all. Shucks, they wasn't exactly playin' playoff caliber anyways - but, well, even when you know your beer's gone flat, you still hope there might be some fizz left in that thar bottle anyway.

The other good news, is that in a few weeks I'll be doin' some podcasts again - but this one's a gonna be about music! I'll also give y'all some prognostications and picks on some other sports, too ... so those a y'all what have made some big money from my picks, what I gave you this year .... well, you'll have something to listen to, too! Stay tuned! It's a gonna be a good one.

Lastly, but not leastly, I've been puttin' together some playlists a unsigned artists what I like over on myspace. If y'all want to hear some great music and support them artists, look fer my playlist what is: "Judd Jugmonger's Favorites This Week". It's at: http://www.myspace.com/jugmongers

In the meantime, don't ferget to git on over to our website, and send us your .... well, you know the tune, so time to pay your dues! It's: http://www.jugmongers.com/ - that's Jugmongers with a "J" - and dig deep into your pockets! And, while your at it, why don'tcha be kind enough to help out some of those poor folks over thar in Haiti, what are havin' a terrible time. Here's a link where y'all can help! http://www.redcross.org/

Ok. so this here is Judd Jugmonger signin' off from the Katywonkered Cafe' with some words a wisdom: If the road rises up to meet you, and the wind is at your back, you might just be in a hurricane!

Judd Jugmonger's NFL Picks - Week 17

Well howdy folks and kin! And, Happy Holidays, Happy Holiday this here is Judd Jugmonger, once again live from the Katywonkered Cafe'. Well, Happy New Year and Decade. I got me muh picks fer week 17 of the NFL. That thar is the National Football League, the playoffs are around the corner and so is rehab for most football fans whose teams ain't in the Super Bowl hunt. I know they'll be lots a cryin' once this weeks games is played .... so now might be a good time to invest in Kleenex. Well let's get on it.

Indianapolis Colts (14-1) at Buffalo Bills (5-10)
All right first up we got us them formerly undefeated Colts vs. them Bills. Seems like lots a folks are pretty pissed off at them Indianapolis boys fer letting them Jets win a game just so they can rest their stars fer the playoffs. On one hand it makes good sense if the prize what ya gots your eyes on is the Superbowl. The big question is, will them stars be a no show again this week? I believe the answer is yes... but I also believe them Buffalo boys will look a gift horse in the mouth anyway.

San Francisco 49ers (7-8) at St. Louis Rams (1-14)
All right, well let's be honest folks, most teams will be playin' for pride this week ... but some teams, well they just go no pride. So that brings us to them 1 and 14 Rams and well, they play them 49ers, what have actually been on a hot winning streak. Don't need no rocket scientist to know that them San Francisco boys will do their thing ... and so will them "poor Rams". And, you know what? Everyone will win .... them 49ers finish the year on an up note and them St. Louis boys will win a better chance at gittin' themselves a high draft pick. In the end, fer some , that's all that matters anyway.

Pittsburgh Steelers (8-7) at Miami Dolphins (7-8)
Ok, next up us muh Dolphins vs. them Steelers. Wildcard hope and prayers fer all. Them Pittsburgh boys gots them a better chance than them Miami boys what's got lots a players feelin' poorly. Can them Fins win this game and with help from 4 other teams back themselves into the playoffs? Or will they back themselves into the off season corner? I'll take the former, though I suspect it might be the latter. This one is a toss-up. This game will come down to how badly them Miami boys want to save face. If yer bettin' be safe and go with them Steelers ... if yer looking fer a big payoff, go with them fins. It's as simple as that.

New England Patriots (10-5) at Houston Texans (8-7)
All right now we got us them Patriots vs. them Texas. Heck, ole' Belicheck is a gonna do what them Colts did last week: rest their stars. They is in them playoffs and it don't make much of a hoo-ha whether they win or lose. Them Houston boys want in them playoff ... so they'll have to beat them New England's 2nd best. Will it happen? Most folks think so .... I think not. Go with them Pats. Sorry Hoss.

Cincinnati Bengals (10-5) at New York Jets (8-7)
Ok, now we go us them Bengal vs. them Jets. Them Cincinnati boys are in the playoffs and them them Jets need them some help to make it as wildcards. So that thar pretty boy, Mark Sanchez, ought to have somethin' to prove. Will them Cincinatti boys give him the key to the short bus to ride home from the stadium? I reckon so. Them Jets will surely fight hard, though.

Chicago Bears (6-9) at Detroit Lions (2-13)
All right, that brings to us the closest thing we got to the Stinker Bowl this well. That's right folks, when you are sad and lonely and gots no place to go, git ye' your clothes pins and stick them on your nose! Cause it's the Stinker Bowl! And this week, wavin' their banners low is them 2 and 13 Lions, vs. them 6 and 9 Bears. Them Chicago boys have been teddy bears all seasons. But, this week them Detroit boys will make them look like Grizzlies.

Jacksonville Jaguars (7-8) at Cleveland Browns (4-11)
Ok, it's ain't no Stinker Bowl... but it smells just as bad. Its them Jaguars vs. them Browns. Ok, so them Cleveland boys have been on a roll them past 3 weeks. I reckon they won't make it 4 in row though. Them Jacksonville boys, with even a further outside chance than them Fins to make the playoffs will give it their all and turn them Browns, black and blue.

New York Giants (8-7) at Minnesota Vikings (11-4)
All right now we got us them 8 and 7 Giants vs. them 11 and 4 Vikings. Burt Favre ain't gonan let no Eli Manning show him up this week. So go with them Minnesota boys. Them Giants will try hard ... but I think ole Favre will ride them harder and put them up wet.

Atlanta Falcons (8-7) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-12)
Ok now it's another "don't man a thang" game. It's them Falcons vs. them Buccaneers. Heck, thar's no surprise here. Them Atlanta boys will fly high over Tampa Bay. No yo-ho-ho here ... only despair as them Buccaneers disappear... them Falcons, too. See ya the draft boys!

Philadelphia Eagles (11-4) at Dallas Cowboys (10-5)
All right, now we got us a real game. It's them 11 and 4 Eagles vs. them 10 and 5 Cowboys. Them birdies are tops a their division and the, Cowboys are wildcards. It's a big big game fer both teams what want show the world what they is a made of. Fer this game, I spun me my little pigskin and it pointed to them Dallas Boys. See, most likely, them Eagles know they might play them again in the playoffs ... so why show them their hand this week? Them birdies take it a bit easy and give them Cowboys some false securities. See folks, it all comes down to psychologies.

New Orleans Saints (13-2) at Carolina Panthers (7-8)
Ok, so here's an easy one. It's them Saints vs. them Panthers. Them Carolina boys are playin' hard lately, but see, despite them New Orleans boys' breakdowns I still think they is are a gonna won't to show everyone why it is that they is in the playoffs and them Panthers aint'. Go with them holy boys.

Kansas City Chiefs (3-12) at Denver Broncos (8-7)
Baltimore Ravens (8-7) at Oakland Raiders (5-10)
All right, here's a few easy ones. It's them Wildcard wanna-be Broncos vs. them lowly Chiefs and them playoff wanna-be Ravens vs. them Raiders Go with them Denver and Baltimore boys what will be playin' fer their very lives.

Green Bay Packers (10-5) at Arizona Cardinals (10-5)
Ok, yonder come them Packers vs. them Cardinals. Both teams are 10 and 5 and both of them in the playoffs. Them boys from Arizona ain't got nothin' to prove as division leaders and them boys from Green Boys have somethin' to prove as wildcards. I'll take them Cardinals who'll want to send a message to them rest a the league. I think them Packers are a gonna git tar and feathered.

Tennessee Titans (7-8) at Seattle Seahawks (5-10)
Ok, from the "who cares" file, it's them 7 and 8 Titans vs. them 5 and 10 Seahawks. Folks, just go with the better record. The big boys will squash them birdies.

Washington Redskins (4-11) at San Diego Chargers (12-3)
Alright, now we got some Monday Night Football! Its them playoff bound Chargers vs. them homeward Redskins. This one reads like gangbusters. Crack, zap and whack ... and off them Washington boys go to the off-season. no surprises here.

All right! That's it's fer me folks. That thar is muh picks! Now, I tell you what, them holidays have come and go ... but I'm still in the need of some dough. So, start off the year right by not fergettin' me ... and yes, I'm talking to all you folks what will be buyin' startin' the year in teh green what with all that money from my picks what I just gave you . Heck, if y'all all can give ole' Rick Warren 2.4 million dollars in 48 hours .... well, you know the tune, so git on over to www.jugmongers.com - that's Jugmongers with a "J" - and dig deep into your pockets.

Ok, so this here is Judd Jugmonger signin' off from the Katywonkered Cafe' with some words a wisdom: if you want to sit high in the cotton, ya gots to rise above them thorns.